Tuesday, April 8, 2008

So I was checking Weather Underground for my area as we had the promise of craptacular weather on the way, and I saw a Weight Watchers banner that just bemused the life out of me.

Weight Watchers Online FOR MEN: Learn How to Lose Weight and Still Eat Like a Man.

Now, I'm curious -- how does one eat like a man, anyway? With your hands? Sans serviettes? Do you chase down a wild impala, throw it to the savanna floor and tear at it with your teeth? Granted, that would certainly burn a hella bunch of calories, but where are you going to find a wild impala in your average urban sprawl? And have you ever tried to get animal blood out of an Armani suit? I mean, really.

But I'm even more confused. See, I live with a man, and he eats pretty much the same way I do, and he lost a boatload of weight over the last year. He's certainly not a woman (and I can attest to that personally, hur hur). Does that make me a man? Not with this bodacious set of ta-tas, I'm thinking.

What this is, of course, is some truly dumbass sexist advertising. The subtext is: "Only sissy girls go on diets, and eat vegetables and salads, and stop when they're full. You don't want people to point at you and call you a woman, do ya? Real men eat whenever they feel like it! They gorge on bowls of fried chicken, bags of snacks, anything they like! And they eat meat -- raw, bloody meat! But it's hard to pick up the babes when you weigh 400 pounds, so sign up with us and for a low price we'll fool you into thinking that you're eating the same artery-clogging crap that your father and grandfather ate!"

Okay. I take two talking points away from this whole ad campaign:

1) How on God's green earth can eating healthy foods like salads, vegetables and other unprocessed foods be considered unmanly? Is it because you don't harvest corn with a bow and arrow? Would it be more acceptable if you could mount heads of lettuce over your mantelpiece? Someone, please, show me the logical chain where eating a chunk of beef or a bag of Doritos induces testosterone production and the urge to watch "Girls Gone Wild" videos.

2) As I don't think WWOFM is into bestiality, it stands to reason that the phrase "lose weight and still eat like a man" implies that other weight loss methods, such as consumption of unprocessed foods, eating in moderation, keeping an eye on your calories, etc. must be "eating like a woman." Yah. Tell me, O gurus of weight loss, why this is a bad thing? Because up until recently, women outlived men by a statistically significant percentage; from this, you would assume that eating like a woman is a positive thing to push, at least from a longevity point of view. And it's hardly as if guys are required to don a skirt and false eyelashes if they order a Chinese chicken salad. Of course, they can if they want to, but that's a whole 'nother issue.

I'll tell you this much, kidlets; one of the nice things about growing older is that I'm more willing to cry "BULLSHIT!" at dumbassery like this. By all means, WWOFM should help men with losing weight. But for the love of all that's holy, stop doing it by dissing my gender, goddamnit.

Tuesday's total mileage: 519.22 miles to Isengard.