This is okay

Friday, September 9, 2011

I knew this was going to happen. I was up two pounds this morning. But that's okay, because I'm in the middle of my fertile cycle and for some reason I retain water now as well as during my period. And I can TELL this is water weight -- I can see the puffiness in my wrists and ankles. My diet hasn't changed, my exercise hasn't changed. My body is just pulling its usual complaint about being female.

So that's all right. It'll drain off in a day or two -- in the meantime, I'll keep on doing what I've been doing and everything will be okay.


Okay, granted, I'm not a Marine, but I'm the daughter of one so I'm claiming familial rights. Anyhoo, things at the gym are continuing rather nicely -- I did a half hour on the bike at a level 7 on hills and then lifted weights until my hands were trembling from the strain. I feel achy but absolutely freaking righteous.

The wheat-free regimen continues, and I'm starting to think that William Davis M.D. has a big ol' horking point. I haven't lost scads of weight, but I've also only been doing this since, what, Saturday? What I HAVE noticed is that I feel a heck of a lot better -- my knees aren't aching nearly as much as usual, and I'm getting that same sensation I felt when I was doing Atkins, like I had a little furnace burning away inside my abdomen. Unlike Atkins, however, I'm not hungry at all this time, and what I'm eating (oatmeal and fruit as well as veggies) is providing me with scads of fiber so there will be no repeat of the Unfortunate Incident that abruptly ended my experience with Atkins.

Also, my tummy is visibly smaller. WOOHOO! Dear sweet Flying Spaghetti Monster, if I can get rid of this duck silhouette I will be the happiest camper in creation.

May I just say

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

That Oogie's Organic Cheese Popcorn (also gluten-free, not that I can figure out how gluten comes into the picture with popcorn but whatever) is to die for. For one thing, it actually tastes like cheese instead of salt, and a cup of it makes a lovely crispy cheesy side to a peanut butter and spelt sandwich.

No change in those numbers yet, but I didn't think there would be today. This will definitely be a case of baby steps. And now, off to the gym for a half hour on the bike and weights, tra la!

Just charming

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Last week, we got notices from our credit union that we could apply for term life insurance through them. Since our life insurance ended with my contract, and since if (God forbid) anything happens to Lyndon I'm sort of screwed, I signed us both up for the insurance.

Got two letters and a packet today. The packet contains details about the insurance policy -- for Lyndon. Apparently I'm too fat to be eligible for term life insurance, despite the fact that I exercise regularly, have normal BP, heart rate, A1C numbers and cholesterol, and in general am pretty damned healthy.

I have never been turned down for term life insurance before in my life, so fuck you, CUNA. I'm going with AAA for life insurance, and you can kiss my fat white ass.

You remember that good number?

Monday, September 5, 2011

Yeah, well, I saw one that was lower this morning. I did the *blink*blink* thing just to make sure, but it was still there.

I'm still terrified of screwing up and somehow whopping on 30 pounds, but as part of the distraction procedure I'm trying to keep myself horrendously busy and too involved in writing, cleaning, looking after the furballs, podcasting and crafting to do anything except eat what's in the fridge (this includes baby carrots, Greek yogurt, gluten-free bread, tarragon chicken salad, oatmeal makings, and protein shake makings) and maintain the exercise (walking around the hood last night, stationary bike and weightlifting tonight). I would very, very much like to see a number that is 5 digits lower than what I saw today, and for the first time in a very, very long while this now seems like a possibility.

Oh, and because I'm shallow as a puddle, part of this is also being driven by the fact that there's going to be a NOH8 photography event taking place in Dallas come October, and my friend Fazia and I will be attending and getting NOH8 headshots. I know there are limits to what I can do before October 15th, but I would be a very happy camper if I could at least look a little less puffy around the face.

Conflict Diamond and Yoga

Saturday, September 3, 2011

I know that yoga is good for me, honest. I'm fully aware that it provides flexibility, balance, cardiovascular health, inner peace, all that stuff. Plus Benedict Cumberbatch does it and the man has the body of a Greek god, so if you're lucky you get pretty things to look at in class, as well.

And I've tried a class. It wrenched my bad knee, completely kicked my ass, left me drenched in sweat, and it was advertised as "Gentle Yoga" so I can only imagine what a regular class is like. So yeah, I know it can be tough when you start.

So why don't I want to go back to this place? They were certainly pleasant and low-key (the teacher was a substitute and was perhaps a bit sniffy when I explained that I had bad knees and would not be doing certain positions as a result, but I'm not an idiot and I know my body's limits, and trying to do Warrior I makes my knee try to dislocate) Upon further consideration, I think it's because the woo-woo crap associated with yoga gets right up my nose.

Okay, fine, I'm a troglodyte. But I'm really don't care which chakras get opened during a particular pose, and frankly it's kind of hard to achieve inner peace when sweat is dripping into my eyes and I'm wondering if I'm about to pass out from oxygen deprivation due to being bent in two. I just want to stretch and strengthen my body, not have a dialog with my inner child. She's a fucking brat, anyway.

To make matters worse, I was reading an article about some hard-core yoga class, and how on the first day some of the students were late. The teacher informed them that they had no integrity because they'd agreed to come to the class on time and hadn't. The article didn't mention how any of the students whacked the teacher in the head with a water bottle before storming out of the room, so I assume they all kept their cool and accepted his judgement. That being said, if I show up late for something, there's usually a damn good reason, and if you get into my face telling me that I have no integrity because of it, I will demonstrate just how far a tightly wrapped yoga mat can be inserted into the human rectum.

I dunno. Maybe Pilates would be a better fit for me.


Okay, I know this is going to sound weird, so bear with me. I saw a number on the scale this morning, a number I haven't seen in years. A good number. In retrospect it shouldn't be all that surprising -- I've been following a reasonable eating plan (apropos of nothing, plain Greek yogurt with French Onion mix in it is freaking gorgeous with baby carrots -- you can pretty much gorge on it and all you do is up your protein and fiber intake) and getting my butt out to the gym on a semi-regular basis as well as doing chores around the house -- but it still startled me a little when I saw it.

And now...I'm worried. I'm worried I'm going to jack this up by going totally overboard and only eating 800 calories a day (which just sends my metabolism into famine mode). Seriously, I need a distraction, something that will keep my conscious mind totally occupied so that it doesn't focus on what my metabolism is doing. Suggestions are welcome.