And lo, the waters receedeth

Saturday, July 16, 2011

As I thought, the bloat is coming off (although it went frighteningly high until I looked up the side effects of one supplement and saw "water retention" as its most common side effect. Guess what I'm not taking anymore?) -- I wound up peeing away five pounds between Wednesday and Thursday. Whee.

Also did a moderately painful leg workout at the gym tonight, but I'm afraid it was very necessary -- my LEFT knee is starting to lock up, now, which means my quads have turned into flabby shadows of themselves and must be whipped back into shape. I'd still give an ovary for a scrip of Celebrex, but whatever.


Saturday, July 9, 2011

Did a perfectly lovely weight workout tonight, but I'm more than a little achy due to forgetting that I can't take multivitamins.

"What in the wide world of sports are you talking about, Melanie?" I can hear you say. Well, my quirky metabolism seems to react badly to one of the minerals or trace elements in your average multivitamin and triggers one doozy of an inflammation response, with the result that I retain more water than your average camel. In the last three days (when I started taking the multivitamin along with fish oil and Vitamin C in order to moderate some mood issues), I've put on about seven pounds, all of it quite clearly water. I'm not worried because it will come off, but in the meantime it's making my joints ache like a bitch. I'm hoping that the weight workout will kickstart the draining mechanism, and until then there's always ibu and ice.

What is possible?

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

I think I'm running into an interesting mental roadblock with this whole weight loss thing. While intellectually I know perfectly well that I *can* lose weight if I eat right and exercise, there's a very large part of my brain that says, "Don't be silly, of course that isn't going to happen, you've always been this size and you'll always be this size. You can't change, so forget about it."

It's not so much the subconscious being a Debbie Downer -- it's more like being a medieval peasant who insists that the Sun goes around the Earth because that's what the Bible says, and anyone who says different must be possessed by demons and needs to be burned at the stake for the sake of their immortal soul. Okay, that's a bit OTT, but you see what I mean -- this is a serious, deep-down belief that I'm trying to change here, and it's damn hard.

Part of the problem is that I have never, ever been normal sized. I was tall and chubby as a child, and I grew into a tall, fat woman. Now that I'm trying to reduce the fat and replace it with muscle, I'm realizing that I can't effectively imagine how I want to look, because I've never been anything other than fat. I look at other women who are at a healthy weight, and no shit, part of me honestly thinks, "She must be a robot -- real people can't be that small. Where are her organs? Can she even breathe?"

Yeah, well, no one ever accused the subconscious of being a bastion of logic. In my heart of hearts, I kinda wish that I could spend a day in the body of someone who is normal sized, just so that I could see that yeah, that kind of body is real. (And maybe do a little shopping, but that's just me.) Unfortunately simstim isn't a viable technology yet, so I'm going to have to do this the old-fashioned way and figure out a psychological way around the block.

Suggestions are welcome.


I think I may have to ease off on the cycling a bit, at least until I can strengthen my quads and stop my damn patella from jumping its groove every time I take a step. I am very, VERY tired of having a swollen, sore knee (thank you, John, wherever you are), and it's especially annoying that I can't go see a doctor because we're currently short of medical insurance. I would kill or die for a week's worth of Celebrex at the moment, I can tell you that much.