A Broad Broad

This is okay

2011-09-09T16:22:00.000-05:00

I knew this was going to happen. I was up two pounds this morning. But that's okay, because I'm in the middle of my fertile cycle and for some reason I retain water now as well as during my period. And I can TELL this is water weight -- I can see the puffiness in my wrists and ankles. My diet hasn't changed, my exercise hasn't changed. My body is just pulling its usual complaint about being female.

So that's all right. It'll drain off in a day or two -- in the meantime, I'll keep on doing what I've been doing and everything will be okay.

OORAH!

2011-09-09T01:36:00.001-05:00

Okay, granted, I'm not a Marine, but I'm the daughter of one so I'm claiming familial rights. Anyhoo, things at the gym are continuing rather nicely -- I did a half hour on the bike at a level 7 on hills and then lifted weights until my hands were trembling from the strain. I feel achy but absolutely freaking righteous.

The wheat-free regimen continues, and I'm starting to think that William Davis M.D. has a big ol' horking point. I haven't lost scads of weight, but I've also only been doing this since, what, Saturday? What I HAVE noticed is that I feel a heck of a lot better -- my knees aren't aching nearly as much as usual, and I'm getting that same sensation I felt when I was doing Atkins, like I had a little furnace burning away inside my abdomen. Unlike Atkins, however, I'm not hungry at all this time, and what I'm eating (oatmeal and fruit as well as veggies) is providing me with scads of fiber so there will be no repeat of the Unfortunate Incident that abruptly ended my experience with Atkins.

Also, my tummy is visibly smaller. WOOHOO! Dear sweet Flying Spaghetti Monster, if I can get rid of this duck silhouette I will be the happiest camper in creation.

May I just say

2011-09-07T22:22:00.000-05:00

That Oogie's Organic Cheese Popcorn (also gluten-free, not that I can figure out how gluten comes into the picture with popcorn but whatever) is to die for. For one thing, it actually tastes like cheese instead of salt, and a cup of it makes a lovely crispy cheesy side to a peanut butter and spelt sandwich.

No change in those numbers yet, but I didn't think there would be today. This will definitely be a case of baby steps. And now, off to the gym for a half hour on the bike and weights, tra la!

Just charming

2011-09-06T18:53:00.000-05:00

Last week, we got notices from our credit union that we could apply for term life insurance through them. Since our life insurance ended with my contract, and since if (God forbid) anything happens to Lyndon I'm sort of screwed, I signed us both up for the insurance.

Got two letters and a packet today. The packet contains details about the insurance policy -- for Lyndon. Apparently I'm too fat to be eligible for term life insurance, despite the fact that I exercise regularly, have normal BP, heart rate, A1C numbers and cholesterol, and in general am pretty damned healthy.

I have never been turned down for term life insurance before in my life, so fuck you, CUNA. I'm going with AAA for life insurance, and you can kiss my fat white ass.

You remember that good number?

2011-09-05T22:06:00.000-05:00

Yeah, well, I saw one that was lower this morning. I did the *blink*blink* thing just to make sure, but it was still there.

I'm still terrified of screwing up and somehow whopping on 30 pounds, but as part of the distraction procedure I'm trying to keep myself horrendously busy and too involved in writing, cleaning, looking after the furballs, podcasting and crafting to do anything except eat what's in the fridge (this includes baby carrots, Greek yogurt, gluten-free bread, tarragon chicken salad, oatmeal makings, and protein shake makings) and maintain the exercise (walking around the hood last night, stationary bike and weightlifting tonight). I would very, very much like to see a number that is 5 digits lower than what I saw today, and for the first time in a very, very long while this now seems like a possibility.

Oh, and because I'm shallow as a puddle, part of this is also being driven by the fact that there's going to be a NOH8 photography event taking place in Dallas come October, and my friend Fazia and I will be attending and getting NOH8 headshots. I know there are limits to what I can do before October 15th, but I would be a very happy camper if I could at least look a little less puffy around the face.

Conflict Diamond and Yoga

2011-09-03T01:18:00.001-05:00

I know that yoga is good for me, honest. I'm fully aware that it provides flexibility, balance, cardiovascular health, inner peace, all that stuff. Plus Benedict Cumberbatch does it and the man has the body of a Greek god, so if you're lucky you get pretty things to look at in class, as well.

And I've tried a class. It wrenched my bad knee, completely kicked my ass, left me drenched in sweat, and it was advertised as "Gentle Yoga" so I can only imagine what a regular class is like. So yeah, I know it can be tough when you start.

So why don't I want to go back to this place? They were certainly pleasant and low-key (the teacher was a substitute and was perhaps a bit sniffy when I explained that I had bad knees and would not be doing certain positions as a result, but I'm not an idiot and I know my body's limits, and trying to do Warrior I makes my knee try to dislocate) Upon further consideration, I think it's because the woo-woo crap associated with yoga gets right up my nose.

Okay, fine, I'm a troglodyte. But I'm really don't care which chakras get opened during a particular pose, and frankly it's kind of hard to achieve inner peace when sweat is dripping into my eyes and I'm wondering if I'm about to pass out from oxygen deprivation due to being bent in two. I just want to stretch and strengthen my body, not have a dialog with my inner child. She's a fucking brat, anyway.

To make matters worse, I was reading an article about some hard-core yoga class, and how on the first day some of the students were late. The teacher informed them that they had no integrity because they'd agreed to come to the class on time and hadn't. The article didn't mention how any of the students whacked the teacher in the head with a water bottle before storming out of the room, so I assume they all kept their cool and accepted his judgement. That being said, if I show up late for something, there's usually a damn good reason, and if you get into my face telling me that I have no integrity because of it, I will demonstrate just how far a tightly wrapped yoga mat can be inserted into the human rectum.

I dunno. Maybe Pilates would be a better fit for me.

blinkblink*

2011-09-03T00:46:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know this is going to sound weird, so bear with me. I saw a number on the scale this morning, a number I haven't seen in years. A good number. In retrospect it shouldn't be all that surprising -- I've been following a reasonable eating plan (apropos of nothing, plain Greek yogurt with French Onion mix in it is freaking gorgeous with baby carrots -- you can pretty much gorge on it and all you do is up your protein and fiber intake) and getting my butt out to the gym on a semi-regular basis as well as doing chores around the house -- but it still startled me a little when I saw it.

And now...I'm worried. I'm worried I'm going to jack this up by going totally overboard and only eating 800 calories a day (which just sends my metabolism into famine mode). Seriously, I need a distraction, something that will keep my conscious mind totally occupied so that it doesn't focus on what my metabolism is doing. Suggestions are welcome.

Fucked Up

2011-08-07T03:31:00.001-05:00

I've been rereading the entries for the past year, especially the ones about what I've been eating, and man, I really have been blowing a load of bullshit, haven't I? I exercise, and go out and eat crap, and then wonder why it's so hard to lose weight.

When it comes down to it, I have a problem with food. My mother, who was chubby when she was a girl, was bound and determined to make sure that I, a tall and chubby child, would not go through the teasing she did. As a result, I was made to endure every crack diet in the Western Hemisphere, taken to a diet doctor and put on amphetamines when I was in 4th Grade (how Judy Garland), told to get out of the fridge when I was genuinely hungry, and basically had my food fucked with until I went away to college, all in the name of being slender and pretty. I still remember being forced to eat cottage cheese and raw hamburger, and dreaming of the day when I could go to a store or a fast food place by myself and eat anything I wanted. Needless to say, this isn't a healthy mindset to grow up with.

Thing is, I'm an adult now, and I have to take responsibility for my own actions and what goes in my mouth. it's just that reprogramming the instinct to view food as a reward or something that provides comfort isn't the easiest thing to do, and it's something I'm still working on (finding substitutes and alternate ways of reducing stress hasn't been all that successful to date). I guess what I'm saying is that I know my nutrition sucks, and I have to work on it.

And lo, the waters receedeth

2011-07-16T05:18:00.000-05:00

As I thought, the bloat is coming off (although it went frighteningly high until I looked up the side effects of one supplement and saw "water retention" as its most common side effect. Guess what I'm not taking anymore?) -- I wound up peeing away five pounds between Wednesday and Thursday. Whee.

Also did a moderately painful leg workout at the gym tonight, but I'm afraid it was very necessary -- my LEFT knee is starting to lock up, now, which means my quads have turned into flabby shadows of themselves and must be whipped back into shape. I'd still give an ovary for a scrip of Celebrex, but whatever.

Graaaagh!

2011-07-09T02:37:00.000-05:00

Did a perfectly lovely weight workout tonight, but I'm more than a little achy due to forgetting that I can't take multivitamins.

"What in the wide world of sports are you talking about, Melanie?" I can hear you say. Well, my quirky metabolism seems to react badly to one of the minerals or trace elements in your average multivitamin and triggers one doozy of an inflammation response, with the result that I retain more water than your average camel. In the last three days (when I started taking the multivitamin along with fish oil and Vitamin C in order to moderate some mood issues), I've put on about seven pounds, all of it quite clearly water. I'm not worried because it will come off, but in the meantime it's making my joints ache like a bitch. I'm hoping that the weight workout will kickstart the draining mechanism, and until then there's always ibu and ice.

What is possible?

2011-07-05T19:40:00.000-05:00

I think I'm running into an interesting mental roadblock with this whole weight loss thing. While intellectually I know perfectly well that I *can* lose weight if I eat right and exercise, there's a very large part of my brain that says, "Don't be silly, of course that isn't going to happen, you've always been this size and you'll always be this size. You can't change, so forget about it."

It's not so much the subconscious being a Debbie Downer -- it's more like being a medieval peasant who insists that the Sun goes around the Earth because that's what the Bible says, and anyone who says different must be possessed by demons and needs to be burned at the stake for the sake of their immortal soul. Okay, that's a bit OTT, but you see what I mean -- this is a serious, deep-down belief that I'm trying to change here, and it's damn hard.

Part of the problem is that I have never, ever been normal sized. I was tall and chubby as a child, and I grew into a tall, fat woman. Now that I'm trying to reduce the fat and replace it with muscle, I'm realizing that I can't effectively imagine how I want to look, because I've never been anything other than fat. I look at other women who are at a healthy weight, and no shit, part of me honestly thinks, "She must be a robot -- real people can't be that small. Where are her organs? Can she even breathe?"

Yeah, well, no one ever accused the subconscious of being a bastion of logic. In my heart of hearts, I kinda wish that I could spend a day in the body of someone who is normal sized, just so that I could see that yeah, that kind of body is real. (And maybe do a little shopping, but that's just me.) Unfortunately simstim isn't a viable technology yet, so I'm going to have to do this the old-fashioned way and figure out a psychological way around the block.

Suggestions are welcome.

Stupid...argh...knee...

2011-07-05T08:17:00.000-05:00

I think I may have to ease off on the cycling a bit, at least until I can strengthen my quads and stop my damn patella from jumping its groove every time I take a step. I am very, VERY tired of having a swollen, sore knee (thank you, John, wherever you are), and it's especially annoying that I can't go see a doctor because we're currently short of medical insurance. I would kill or die for a week's worth of Celebrex at the moment, I can tell you that much.

Arrgh!

Why is the back yard spinning?

2011-06-27T21:30:00.001-05:00

What do you do when the temps go up? Why, swim in your pool, of course.

Which is what I did tonight, complete with my new suit (note to self -- don't dive in front of other people. The top holds the twins very nicely, but water drag allows them to make a break for it), and did ten laps. And then got out of the pool because my sinuses started screaming at me, and then the back yard started going all wibbly wobbly (but not, sad to say, timey-wimey). Obviously there are inner ear issues that need to be addressed here, not to mention a dire need for goggles.

Hmm. In retrospect, it probably would have helped if I'd had more to eat today than a sandwich, some chips and a bowl of popcorn, she said as she sucked down her protein shake and felt every cell in her body scream, "WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU HAVE THIS EARLIER, YOU SADISTIC BITCH?"

By the way, I'm still cycling, but with daily temps approaching the 100s on a regular basis I freely admit that I've been wimping out and using the bike at the gym. I need to get one of those trainer dinguses that I can park the back of my bike on and pedal while I watch a movie.

And the temperatures go up

2011-05-30T01:45:00.002-05:00

Since I slept through the ridable temps (yeah, yeah, I know, but if I go out there in 90°F+ heat right now, I'll die of heatstroke), I hied my ass over to the gym and hopped on the spinny thingy for twenty minutes before hitting the weights. My legs certainly had much to say to me after I got off the spinny thingy, but I told them to pull on their big boy panties and cowgirl up, already.

I am starting to see some changes in my arms and legs -- nothing in the midsection yet, but that's always the last to go. My calves are starting to show some serious definition, though, and so are my forearms. Even my flabby upper arms don't look quite as poofy as they used to be, which is all good.

Know what I REALLY want to see? My clavicle. I would love to have visible collarbones.

Okay, I'm Dumb

2011-05-26T16:04:00.000-05:00

But in my defense, no one ever TOLD me that you can adjust stuff on your bike, or that you need to 1) make sure that you're riding the right size frame for your body, 2) get a seat that isn't trying to embed itself in your crotch, and 3) should adjust the seat AND handlebar height so that you can ride comfortably.

Anyway, post-ride, the rest of the morning was spent tweaking the bike's handlebars. And for the hardcore riders out there, yes, I know that the ideal racing position is bent over the handlebars with a flat back. But as I am not going to be in the Tour de France any time soon and have a hybrid bike that is designed for grannies who want to tootle back and forth to the store (although I CAN get a good head of speed on it when I try), I want to be comfortable on the damn thing.

Thus, I set the seat at a relatively comfortable height (I still need to boost myself onto it, which must look hilarious), and raised the handlebars right smack up to the safety line (any farther up and I'd have less than 2 inches of stem in the fork, which would make it very likely that stem and fork would part ways during a ride and I would go boom), then adjusted the front brakes to allow for the additional .75" of stem height. As a result, I can sit up while riding, the bulk of my weight is on my seat instead of my arms (which is fine and why I bought the Fat Bottomed Girl seat in the first place), and my wrists aren't shrieking in agony after a ride. All in all, a much more pleasant riding experience.

On the road again

2011-05-26T13:34:00.002-05:00

Yes, I am Queen of the Mushroom People. But at least my head is protected when I'm on the bike.

I purchased and put a Fat Bottomed Girl seat on the bike yesterday, and MAN that made a difference -- I rode for almost two miles this morning and my pelvic bones weren't screaming at me at all. Now I just have to bump the handlebars up a bit, and I should be ready to cruise. Lyndon's even talking about tuning up his bike and joining me -- yay!

So, I got my bike back

2011-05-24T14:51:00.000-05:00

After a bit of faffing about -- turned out that the front inner tube was leaky and the tire was flat by the time I got it home. I pumped it up again just to be sure, and could hear the hissing noise.

So I tossed it back in the truck and went back to the bike store, where they cheerfully replaced the tube while I tried on helmets and bought a water bottle and holder for the bike. I think I look absolutely ridiculous in the helmet, so I may take it back and see if I can find something a little more low-riding.

But the important thing is, I just went for a bike ride for the first time in over a decade -- down past Capstone park and maybe a mile total round trip into the local greenbelt. My face is the color of raw hamburger, my pelvic bones are screaming at me, as are my thigh muscles, and I have scrapes all up and down my right leg from getting the pedal into position to get on the bike.

I think I'm going again tomorrow.

Sometimes, you just have to hit the road

2011-05-13T13:37:00.000-05:00

Lyndon isn't feeling well (neither was I last night, to be honest -- I'm guessing a mild 24-hour bug for both of us), so I was able to grab his truck this morning and run my bike over to the bike shop.

I have a CBS ProMax that I bought in Sweden -- it was quite handy for getting back and forth to the store since it had these nice wire saddlebag-type baskets that I could stuff shopping in, and once I installed a bigger seat for my bigger butt, it was pretty comfortable to ride.

It's been languishing in the garage next to Lyndon's Raleigh for about ten years, now. The tubes are pretty much gone, the chain's in dodgy condition, and it's more than a little dusty. I'd stopped in on Wednesday at the bike shop to make sure they could fix bikes as well as sell them -- the nice tattooed guy at the repair counter said to bring mine on in and he'd give me an estimate.

This happened this morning. He didn't seem too fussed about the idea that it had been sitting around for ten years -- apparently the tires are still in pretty good shape, and all that really needs to be replaced are the tubes and cabling, after which he'll give it a tune-up and it should be ready for the road.

He said I could have it back by May 23, after 5 PM. By 6 PM, I hope to be wobbling down one of the local bike paths. Whee!

Bruised, and loving it

2011-05-10T23:24:00.000-05:00

As I lie here on the couch (having walked in 78°F heat, 78% humidity and light drizzle for 25 minutes -- would've been longer but for the drizzle), freshly showered and musing over the idea of hitting the hay early for once, I find myself looking at my right arm. In the past few days, I've carried a large old TV out to the car in an attempt to donate it to Goodwill (the man at the collection area just looked at it and laughed -- finally left it out back for the trash scavengers), cleaned the bedroom, carried ladders and vacuum cleaners up and down stairs, and generally been active about the house.

I also bruise easily -- got that from my mother. A friend once gave me an acupressure treatment on my back, and was horrified the next morning at the deep blue Turner seascape-esque blotches that bloomed overnight on my skin. I had to reassure her that she hadn't been torturing me, it was just the way my skin reacted to pressure. And the way my torso looked after a good fencing session can only be described as "Dalmatian."

So it shouldn't come as a surprise that after the last few days, I have three small but distinct bruises high and inside on my upper right arm from where the frame of the TV dug into the muscle, a smudgy bruise on my outer forearm from banging the ladder against it, and a small pink bruise on my inner forearm from God knows what.

And I like them. This may sound idiotic, but I kinda feel like Xena, Warrior SF Writer when I look at my mottled skin. Yeah, they ache a bit, but they remind me of the work I did to get them, and that's kind of cool.

I Anen't Dead

2011-05-10T20:43:00.001-05:00

Sorry about that -- life got...a little complicated over the last six months or so. That being said, life has just become remarkably uncomplicated because I finished my contract last week, so I can start doing things like, oh, blogging on a regular basis again.

So, what's been happening with me? Well, health-wise I completely blew my triathlon training, not to mention going to the gym on a regular basis, and generally felt like shit for quite a few months there due to a wide variety of stressors. My crowning moment came when I went to see some friends in a play down in Orlando (which was wonderful, by the way), and couldn't fit in the theater seat. I was just too fat to sit down. Yeah, that was humiliating. I finally managed to Tetris my ass into the seat, tearing my jeans in the process, and bolted for the box office at intermission to beg for anywhere else that could handle a big woman's ass. Luckily they gave me a lovely freestanding chair next to the door, and Lyndon was even able to move with me, but there were a few moments there where all I wanted to do was burst into tears (a very nice man came up to me during intermission and told me that I had an absolutely lovely laugh -- I don't know if he was trying to make me feel better or what, but it did help).

Sometimes, however, you need a kick in the ass like that. And combined with the fact that I was about to be turfed from the Death Star, I decided it was time to make some permanent changes in my life. I'm tired of dreading plane flights because coach seats are massively uncomfortable for a woman of my size. I want to be able to sleep comfortably in a hotel bed -- or, hell, in my own bed without the aid of fifteen million pillows. I'd like to wear clothes that don't have multiple X's on the label. For that matter, I'd like to shop for clothes in a regular person's store -- I've never done that as an adult.

So, what am I doing? Well, some simple things to start out with -- I'm trying to move every day, even if it's just housework. I'm eating small meals every 3 hours, and I try to stay with lean protein and veggies whenever possible. Tomorrow is my first yoga class, Cthulhu help me. And I want to take my bike into a local bike shop and see about getting it generally tuned up, since it's been sitting in the garage for the last 10 years. There are all kinds of bike paths around here -- I'm going to look like a fat idiot on a bike, but at least I'll be out there riding.

WEIGHT: 308.2

Sleep DOES help!

2010-10-08T10:42:00.000-05:00

Have you been reading the medical articles on CNN recently that explain how if you don't get enough sleep you can't lose weight because important metabolic activities are being delayed or blocked by the lack of sleep?

Yeah, apparently they're correct. Because I've been sleeping like a log all week (we have release weekend coming up, so Xanax is my friend), and not only has all of the water weight from the Crimson Tide dropped right off, but I'm heading back downwards in overall weight as well.

Finally. So, sleep = necessary = good.

WEIGHT: 308.2

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 1 SB meal bar, a couple of salt and pepper potato chips

Monday's Weight

2010-09-28T02:54:00.003-05:00

309 pounds. At 8:00 am. I ask you.

FOOD FOR THE DAY: SB meal bar, Thai chicken wrap, small Greek salad, large cup of cut up fruit, peanut butter sandwich, Weight Watchers ice cream bar.

Yes, I'm still training

2010-09-26T23:52:00.000-05:00

I haven't been posting much here because to be honest, I've been absolutely frustrated with the way I swelled up as of 9/10 and pretty much stayed somewhere between 312-313 for two weeks. I can tell it's water weight because of the way my feet look and the way my gut goes drum-tight -- and as far as my doctor can tell it's hormone-related because my body doesn't really want to be and apart from a Lasix IV there's not a damned thing I can do about it. I can cut out the salt, drink water all day long, chug minerals meant to balance my electrolytes, take OTC diuretics (and enjoy the racing heart and panic attacks that come with those), and nothing fucking works. Needless to say, it's a bit fucking discouraging, and while I know I should woman up and keep posting, to be honest the weight gain was just humiliating. It would be nice to say I just trained on through it, but to be honest it's extraordinarily uncomfortable when I swell up like that, which makes it hard to work out. I still got to the gym, just not every day, and not as enthusiastically as I would have liked.

The swelling going down now, which is good. I have no idea why, but it's going down. And today's Cheat Day, so I indulged with a Five Guys burger -- go me. And now, off to the gym.

WEIGHT: 310.4 pounds

FOOD FOR THE DAY: a single patty Five Guys burger, 3/4 of a regular order of fries, 1 Weight Watchers toffee crunch ice cream bar, 1 PB sandwich, 1 cup carb controlled yogurt.

I didn't even worry about the weekend

2010-09-22T00:09:00.000-05:00

As it was a con, and it's pointless to do anything but be at the con. But today, it's back to normal with a nice workout at the gym (a woman was on the bike, so I hopped on one of the ellipticals, which kicked my ass but good)

WEIGHT: 312.0

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 2 peanut butter sandwiches, 2 servings of organic guacamole corn chips, 1 avocado roll, 1 spider roll, 2 pieces each of cooked egg and cooked shrimp, 1 order of lemon chicken, 3 forkfuls of steamed rice, 4 spoonfuls of egg drop soup, a handful of grapes, one slice of pizza.

Oh, dear Jesus

2010-09-17T01:32:00.000-05:00

Why am I allergic to being a female? My period comes, and I load up enough water to survive a trek across the Sahara. My fertile period shows up, and I swell like a balloon. You do not want to know what my feet look like right now. I swear to God I was supposed to be a guy, and something went seriously wrong along the way...

WEIGHT: 311.6

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 2 slices of sugar-free whole wheat bread, 2 tbs of hummus, Thai chicken wrap, 1 sm cup cucumber/tomato salad, 1 lg cup fruit salad, sweet and sour shrimp/chicken, noodles, egg drop soup, sesame chicken, barbecue chicken, 1 chicken roll, 1 sm cup tapioca, 2 almond cookies, 1 liver sausage sandwich.

Wow

2010-09-15T22:38:00.000-05:00

Writing is good, but it does bloat me like nobody's business. And so, back to the gym tonight for weights and 30 minutes on the bike.

WEIGHT: 310.8

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 2 tortillas with hummus, 1 Thai chicken wrap, one small cucumber/tomato salad, one large fruit cup, 1 Weight Watchers ice cream bar, 1 liversausage sandwich, 2 servings of Stacy's garlic & parmesan pita chips.

Sorry

2010-09-10T03:08:00.000-05:00

I've gotten sucked into fiction creation this week in a big bad way, so I've been bad about posting (and going to the gym, to be honest -- that has to stop tomorrow). I did try to swim tonight, but the pool water was freaking cold. I'll probably need to start turning on the heater for an hour in the evenings, now.

Interestingly, the aversion to fast food seems to be continuing -- we had a horrendous rainstorm yesterday so I didn't feel like leaving the building for lunch, and when I got down to the cafeteria I could smell hamburgers, so I thought I'd try one.

Um...no. Blech. Mediocre meat, wilted produce, overtoasted bun. Even the fries were just kind of nasty. Today I had my usual chicken Thai wrap with a small cucumber/tomato/onion salad and large fruit cup for dessert, which was much better. Mind you, I still adore Five Guys hamburgers and fries, so I think it's not so much a growing distaste for burgers and fries as it is for *mediocre* burgers and fries. Which is not a bad thing, if you think about it.

I think I'm doing sushi for lunch tomorrow.

WEIGHT: 307.8

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 2 SB meal bars, one chicken Thai wrap, a small cup of cucumber/tomato salad, a large cup of cut fruit, 1 peanut butter sandwich, 1 oz. of Hotch chili con queso popcorn, 1 sugar free strawberry Jello cup.

Oh, look

2010-09-05T13:47:00.001-05:00

Here comes the Crimson Tide. So much for swimming.

WEIGHT: 307.6

FOOD FOR THE DAY: Two brisket taco fillings, guacamole, fresh corn chips, salsa, 1 Weight Watchers ice cream bar, 1 peanut butter sandwich, 1 chocolate/PB protein shake.

It's a glorious day out there

2010-09-04T12:54:00.001-05:00

And as soon as I'm sure this kind of weather is going to last, I'm taking the bike in for an overhaul and getting it out on the bike paths. Woohoo!

More weights last night in addition to 30 minutes on the bike, and I made a discovery -- this whole eating healthily lark has pretty much ruined fast food for me. I was absolutely starving yesterday morning and didn't have time to wait for something cooked, so I grabbed a bag of Doritos to add to my bagel. And they were horribly salty, with an unpleasantly dry, cardboardy consistency and just generally yucky. Last night, I was hungry after my workout so I figured what the hell, I'll grab a medium serving of french fries from Burger King when I get my treat Diet Coke (yeah, yeah, I know -- I still want it, so suck it). And the fries tasted moderately rancid, overly salted once again and generally cruddy.

The hell? Am I going vegetarian next?

WEIGHT: 306.2

FOOD FOR YESTERDAY: 1 poppy seed bagel with regular cream cheese, 1 sm bag Doritos, 1 avocado roll, 1 spider roll, 2 pcs cooked shrimp sushi, 2 pcs cooked egg sushi, 2 Weight Watchers ice cream bars, 1 peanut butter sandwich, 1 small portion of fries, 1 cup sugar free jello.

FOOD FOR THIS DAY: A variety of sushi (Osaka), half a medium bag of popcorn (the movies, shared with Lyndon), grilled whitefish with lump crabmeat and hollandaise sauce, a handful of french fries (Ralph and Kacoo's), 1 Weight Watchers toffee ice cream bar.

Ow. Ow ow ow.

2010-09-02T09:56:00.002-05:00

Added the weights back in last night, and I can feel it this morning. On the one hand, doing weights is a good thing for me because it builds yummy, yummy muscle tissue and makes me stronger in every way.

On the other hand, I would gladly kill for a Vicodin and three extra hours of sleep this morning. Having this weird allergy issue isn't helping with that, either -- waking up coughing at least twice a night kinda screws with your REM sleep. It's also affecting my eating habits -- still haven't started back on the fast food, but I've been tempted a number of times since last weekend so it's time to nip that particular temptation in the bud. Tonight -- a good, solid food shop is in my future.

WEIGHT: 309.0

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 1 SB meal bar, one thai chicken wrap, one small cup of cucumber/onion salad, one large cup of cut-up fruit, 1 Weight Watchers ice cream bar, 3 pieces of sugar-free walnut bread, 1 peanut butter sandwich.

Well, that was...a week

2010-09-01T15:39:00.001-05:00

During which I got moderately better, went to Armadillocon, ate stuff that wasn't the best in the world for me (but I did work out in the hotel gym on Friday night, so go me), came home and launched into writing a short story and trying to handle my allergies. And as of tonight, I'm back in the gym on a regular basis, whee!

WEIGHT: 309.0

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 2 Weight Watchers toffee ice cream bars, 1 breadstick, 1 bowl of zuppa toscana, 1 individual 8" pizza, 1 peanut butter sandwich, 1 chocolate and PB protein shake.

Still sick

2010-08-26T11:21:00.000-05:00

Since yesterday's pigout and water swilling did bubkes, according to the scale (on the upside, this is the lowest weight I've been at in years). I feel feverish, achy and yucky, and I just want to go back to bed.

So I am.

WEIGHT: 306.8

FOOD FOR THE DAY: Nothing yet -- no real appetite. Maybe a protein shake in a bit.

Oh. That's why.

2010-08-25T16:48:00.001-05:00

I'm sick. So's my boss, apparently.

I tried to do a bike ride last night, almost fell off after 15 minutes, woke up this morning feeling like I'd been beaten all night. Am currently drinking as much water as I can choke down, and took a C and two Ds. Exercise is cancelled for tonight.

WEIGHT: 307.6

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 10 oz steak, 1 handful french fries, 3 shrimp, 2 pieces of bread, a small caesar salad, a grande nonfat mocha frap, two scrambled eggs, 5 oz steak from a t-bone, half a hashed brown serving, 3 pancakes, and God help the person who gives me shit about it right now because I wanted something hot and IHOP was the only thing open at 11:30 PM, okay?

I've had seven hours of sleep

2010-08-24T08:31:00.002-05:00

A little more, even -- went to bed around 9:30 PM last night (rest day, after all), woke up this morning around 5:00 AM. So why am I still tired?

My brain hates me.

At least getting up at Oh My God It's Early meant I got into the office early, which means I get to leave early, so I'll have time to do a bunch of stuff (guitar practice, editing, working on a sewing project and putting together Episode 117) this afternoon/evening before the gym. I may not like this kind of schedule, but it does allow for a lot of achievement.

WEIGHT: 307.6

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 2 scrambled eggs w/salsa, 2 pieces of bacon, a hashed brown patty and two pieces of toast (yeah, yeah, I know -- I was also freaking starving), a Thai chicken wrap, a cup of fruit salad, a Barq's Root Beer, a low-fat beef hot dog, 2 Vietnamese spring rolls, one bowl of pho.

What do I want?

2010-08-22T18:41:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking about that in the last couple of days, especially since I've been harping on my weight instead of my improving levels of fitness, which is the actual goal here. And my levels are definitely improving -- not only are the increasing times and levels I'm doing on the bike and in the pool demonstrating that, but I'm starting to see definition in my forearms and calves that's thrilling me to the bone. Even my upper arms and thighs are changing shape, and while my trunk is always the last to show any changes, I think I'm starting to see a couple of hints of muscle buildup there, too. By the time the triathlon rolls around, I will (please God) be ready for it.

I will also still be considered obese by the medical community, since I probably won't be anywhere below 250 pounds by then (BMI? Can kiss my ass -- weightlifters are considered obese by BMI measurements, which tells you something about that particular measurement). But that's okay, because the goal here isn't to lose weight -- it's to put on muscle, extend my stamina, and be able to successfully compete in an indoor triathlon. Any weight loss is, to be honest, just a pleasant fringe benefit.

That being said, I would be lying if I said I didn't like the idea of eventually, maybe, being just the tiniest bit ripped. Not slender (I suspect that's genetically impossible, nor do I particularly want that body shape), but lean, strong and muscular, like, oh, Gabrielle Reece:

Now, can I achieve a shape like this in my mid-40s? I don't know, even with plastic surgery to take in the excess skin (although Becky Griggs has made it very clear that it's not impossible). But hell, if I could get at least within spitting distance of a shape like this, I would be thrilled out of my gourd.

But I'm not trying to pay much attention to that at the moment -- right now, the immediate goal is to perform a 10-minute swim and a 30-minute biking session consecutively. That's hella more important than looking nice in a tank top.

Well, lookee there!

2010-08-22T17:55:00.001-05:00

Added weights to the workout last night, and all of a sudden le plateau c'est cracked. Granted, I also didn't get up until noon or so, but still.

And today is Cheat Day, so since I pretty much splurged at the Cheesecake Factory on their Crispy Chicken Sandwich (oh, God, I do believe I would eat Spam willingly if it was covered with chipotle mayo), I may wind up doing leg weights tonight as well as bumping up the bike program to 5. It's still bitching hot out there, so I'm going to skip the swimming until later this week when the temps are supposed to drop down into more bearable levels. I keep this up, and running won't be that far off -- whee!

WEIGHT: 307.6

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 3 pieces of French bread with butter, a crispy coated chicken breast, chipotle mayo, french fries, a grande nonfat Starbucks mocha frappuccino with a shot of hazelnut, 1 liver sausage sandwich, 2 dill pickle slices.

The plateau continues

2010-08-20T15:27:00.001-05:00

Which really, REALLY means more protein and weights, plus a touch more water, methinks. I should have done weights last night, but I stalled at home (I discovered the SHERLOCK fanfic community on LiveJournal and got sucked in, dammit) and wound up only having enough time to cycle (although I did bump the cycling program up to level 6 for a couple of minutes, until the burn got to be too bad and I dialed it back to 5. Got off the bike and woo, I could feel those extra levels). Tonight, I'm getting to the gym by 10:00 PM at the very latest -- a full hour should give me enough time on the bike AND the iron.

Looking back on it, I'm not really surprised at the plateau -- this has been a very stressful week, and we all know the effects of stress on Melanie's cortisol levels. The fact that I haven't ballooned up a couple or five pounds from retained water is, frankly, amazing, as is the fact that I haven't dived face-first into a plate full of comfort food despite the temptation. And oh, boy, there was temptation.

But now it's the weekend in a half hour for me -- in addition to editing and maybe taking in a movie or two with the Bodacious Brit, there is housework and (if the weather isn't too horrendous) yardwork in my future, which should have a pleasant effect on my stamina.

WEIGHT: 308.6

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 2 SB meal bars, 3 large chunks of roasted chicken, a scoop each of tabouleh, hummus and potato chunks, 1 floret of roasted cauliflower, a small portion of Greek salad, 3 starlight mints, 1 liver sausage sandwich, 2 dill pickle spears, 1 Weight Watchers English toffee ice cream bar.

I seem to be plateauing a bit

2010-08-18T13:12:00.000-05:00

Weight's been pretty much the same for the last 3-4 days, which one on hand is good -- the bod is consolidating the recent losses and finding a new stabilization point.

On the other hand, I probably need to add more protein to the diet, and step up the exercise, which means heavier weights and more time in the pool. I'm up to 24 laps in the pool, and yesterday's walk was my first time moving my own mass around on land (since I'm doing an indoor triathlon it's okay that I train on gym bikes, but there really is a huge difference between spinning and actually moving your own mass around on a bike).

WEIGHT: 308.2

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 1 SB meal bar, 1 Thai chicken wrap, 1 cup fruit salad (strawberries, melon, pineapple, kiwi, no syrup), 1 small caesar salad.

We have met stress, and kicked it right in the 'nads

2010-08-17T20:51:00.001-05:00

I was not looking forward to today at all, because I knew it was going to be frantic, hectic, and a couple of other words ending in -tic due to things involving me wearing metaphoric white armor and carrying a blaster. I also knew that getting lunch at the regular time would probably not be happening due to said activities.

Before now, this would have resulted in me pounding down enough sugar to send a rhino into a diabetic coma just to handle the day, and feeling absolutely run down and lousy as a result. So I planned ahead -- I ate my meal bar first thing in the morning, then indulged in a walnut muffin mid-morning because I was going to damn well need the carbs by 2:00 PM. Which I did, as it turned out, but as a result of said carbs I did not have a meltdown, threaten to stab anyone or grab a couple of beers from the fridge and pop the emergency exit slide, so that was all good.

After the inital crisis was over, I had my usual thai chicken wrap and salad (cucumber/tomato/onion this time, and I have no idea where they get their tomatoes from but the damn things literally taste like plastic -- eurgh) for a late lunch, then came home after more work and had a couple of peanut butter sandwiches and an ounce of the yummy spicy popcorn for dinner. I may well have a protein shake as well later on, I don't know. I do know that I feel a heck of a lot better than I have after previous days like this.

That's all well and good, Mel, you point out, but don't you think you're overdoing it on the food a little in reaction to the stress? Actually, no -- having taken a look at my food intake yesterday (see, there's a REASON why I write everything down), I realized that I'd brought my calorie intake down a little too low by 600 calories or so. Yes, it's possible to bring your calorie intake down too low, especially if you're working out at the same time -- your body tends to think there's a famine going on and goes into lockdown mode. So today I stayed pretty much right around my target caloric intake, and I can feel the difference in my mood and energy level.

In fact, I was feeling so spandy, I went for a rather lovely walk, as we had something of a sprinkle here that did a nice job of cooling the temps down to reasonable levels (I mean, it's 8:30 PM and it's already down to 90 F -- that's just crazy cool). Since I could go outside without melting, I strolled around the neighborhood for a bit, checked out the local park and bike trails, then hightailed it home and set up the sprinkler in our front yard (which I have to go move in a bit).

This is a huge improvement on being curled in a fetal ball, let me tell you.

WEIGHT: 308.2

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 1 SB meal bar, a banana walnut muffin, a Thai chicken wrap, a small cucumber/tomato/onion salad, 2 peanut butter sandwiches with homemade marmalade, 1 oz. of Hotch chili con queso popcorn.

Is my hair on fire?

2010-08-16T15:29:00.001-05:00

Or am I just running around like it is?

Oy. At least Saturday was wonderful. I keep trying to reconnect with how I felt then.

WEIGHT: 308.2

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 1 SB meal bar, 1 thai chicken wrap, 1 banana, 1 small caesar salad, 1 peanut butter sandwich, 2 clemetines, 1 handful of grapes

Well, look at that

2010-08-15T12:39:00.003-05:00

WEIGHT: 308.0

And that's after yesterday's sushifest. I'm good with that. As well as Cheat Day, I'm also taking today as my break day instead of tomorrow so that I can convince my brain to shut down at a reasonable time (work tomorrow, you see). The fact that I spent about 20 minutes out in some truly filthy heat trimming back the hedge hiding the pool pump so that a repair guy could come in and fix the pump motor that apparently went blooey may have had something to do with it, as well.

FOOD FOR THE DAY: Five Guys burger and regular fries, peanut butter sandwich, 1 oz. Hotch chili con queso popcorn, 4 clementines, handful of grapes, and one PB/chocolate protein shake.

Video Post 04: Saturday In The Pool With Melanie

2010-08-14T17:37:00.000-05:00

I really need to take Chlor-Trimeton more often

2010-08-14T17:21:00.003-05:00

Because when I get sniffly and stuffed up from my allergies, I can't hear squat, and as a result I couldn't hear exactly what the waitress at Genroku was asking me after I gave her my sushi order (1 spider roll, 1 avocado roll, 2 pieces each of egg and cooked shrimp). I thought she was saying, "Are you sure you want the separate sushi pieces," to which I nodded yes because I was ferociously hungry.

A few minutes later, I get a platter with my spider roll, avocado roll...and 4 pieces of egg and shrimp sushi respectively. Turns out one order includes two pieces. Oh. Okay, good to know (and I bought some more Chlor-Trimeton later when I did the food shopping. Stupid sinuses).

But that's okay, because I did a training swim this afternoon (been away from the pool too long due to the heat -- bad triathlete, no new gear), and tonight is biking and weightlifting, plus some housecleaning I have scheduled for this evening. And besides, Genroku sushi is da bomb.

WEIGHT: 308.2 (Yeah, yeah. I'll be impressed when I drop below 306.9.)

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 1 spider roll, 1 avocado roll, 4 pieces each of egg and cooked shrimp sushi, a peanut butter sandwich, 1 oz. of Hotch chili con queso popcorn, 2 clementines, five chocolate-covered espresso beans, 1 chocolate/PB protein shake, 2 pieces of teriyaki beef jerky, and a handful of grapes.

The Process of Cravings

2010-08-13T16:09:00.001-05:00

Okay, so the fact that I didn't have breakfast and ate a relatively small lunch added to various other stressors have awoken a desire. Namely, a desire to go to Starbuck's and order a grande Tazo green tea blended creme drink.

Not the healthiest thing in the world, true. But I can leave off the whipped cream and have it made with nonfat milk, I tell myself, and that's only 290 calories. With 67 grams of carbs, true, which would comprise close to a quarter of the usual carbs in a 2,000 cal diet, but still...

This, my friends, is where I use psychology to its fullest advantage. I have a Cheat Day where I can eat and drink pretty much anything I like -- my Cheat Day is Sunday, two days away. So I study this craving and think, "Yeah, that would taste really good. And I'll get myself one...on Sunday. In the meantime, I need to address the fact that I'm hungry, the cafeteria is closed and I'm stuck here for another 2.5 hours without cash for the vending machines. Where can I get something quick, tasty and at least relatively healthy?"

Going out to get something is an option, but we're pretty much surrounded by fast food joints and I just can't choke down a fast food salad, I'm sorry. A fast rummage through my purse, however, and SCORE -- I have just enough change to get a bag of light butter popcorn from the machines. Once again, not the healthiest thing in the world, but a huge improvement over PopTarts and it'll hold me until I get home to the food in my fridge.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get my snack on.

The morning after

2010-08-13T10:42:00.003-05:00

My ass is still complaining about the bike ride last night, but my legs feel amazing. One of the cool things about regular exercise is that it sucks donkey gonads when you start doing it (and yeah, it continues to suck when you're tired, stressed or just not in the mood to get to the gym), but once you settle into a routine, you really do get this burst of endorphins that make you feel damn good about yourself. You may be dripping sweat and aching in places you never thought you'd ache directly after the exercise, but there's this sneaky little internal cheer of "Hell yeah -- go me!" that makes you grin even as you limp to the shower.

WEIGHT: 309.8

FOOD FOR THE DAY: 3/4 of a caesar salad and 3/4 of an 8" pepperoni pan pizza (team-building lunch, so I figured what the hell, and I STILL couldn't finish the damn pizza), 1 bag of light butter popcorn, 1 peanut butter sandwich, 1 oz. Hotch chili con queso popcorn, 1 Weight Watchers English toffee crunch ice cream bar.

Ow.

2010-08-13T01:14:00.000-05:00

Just did 30 minutes on the regular bike, and I would kill for a chamois. Up until now I've been using the reclining bike, but I figure I'll have to use a regular exercise cycle for the indoor triathlon, so I may as well suck it up and start riding on that.

And yes, my butt bones are killing me. But I still did a full 30 minutes and I can feel the difference in my legs from the reclining bike, so that kicks ass.

FOOD FOR THE DAY: A poppy seed bagel with cream cheese, a Thai chicken wrap, a large fruit cup (pineapple, melon, strawberry, no syrup), one banana, a chicken caesar salad with two chicken breasts and three teaspoons of Marie's caesar salad dressing, one helping of chocolate-covered espresso beans (I know, I know, but it's 120 calories and they're YUMMY), and four pieces of teriyaki beef jerky.

Hee, hee, hee...

2010-08-12T09:36:00.001-05:00

WEIGHT: 310.8

And gosh, the Crimson Tide is over, plus I did the usual riding/weightlifting combo last night. Hands up of people who are surprised? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

So the downward trend recommences, and I've decided what my goal/reward is, because it's much easier for me to work towards something concrete that I REALLY want. And in this case, I want a day off where I don't have to do anything.

As soon as the scale reads 299.9, I will be scheduling a lovely day for myself, during which I may well find a nice spa somewhere and get a facial, manicure, massage, or something pampering like that. Woohoo!

Video Post 03

2010-08-12T00:32:00.000-05:00

See?

2010-08-11T17:19:00.000-05:00

311.6 as of this morning, and I had three boneless pork chops and a can of corn for dinner, then was so damn tired that I just went to bed instead of hitting the gym. Which seems to show that you really do need sleep as well as good nutrition and exercise.

FOOD FOR THE DAY: SB bar for breakfast, and sushi (a spider roll, an avocado roll, two pieces of omelette, two pieces of cooked shrimp and one piece of squid) and two small scoops of green tea ice cream for lunch. I love sushi, but I'm always hungry a couple of hours later, and today isn't any different.

Somewhat bummed

2010-08-10T10:11:00.001-05:00

Over a bunch of little things, none of which I can really do anything about at the moment, but they're aggregating to a level that really aggravates me (and yes, I did that deliberately -- isn't it pretty?).

Of course, the Crimson Tide's habit of carbonating hormones isn't helping things any, nor is the fact that I drank a ton of water yesterday in an attempt to keep my throat wet and non-irritated (stupid allergies) and promptly added another pound as a result. It's water weight -- I KNOW it's water weight. It will come off on Thursday. But in the meantime it's like, "Really? I really need this now?"

Nonetheless, I hit the gym last night and did 40 minutes on the bike, so booyah for me, and tonight should be biking, weights and maybe a swim if the water cools off at all. I wish people actually read this so that someone would kinda slap me upside the head and say, "Oh, get over yourself, Mel -- you're sticking to the exercise and you're eating reasonably. Everything will be fine."

What I really need...is a treat, something to look forward to (and work towards). Maybe a clothes spree once I hit 300? A day off? Must think about this a bit...

WEIGHT: 312.4

FOOD FOR THE DAY: A SB meal bar for breakfast, and three chunks of chicken, a scoop of roasted potato chunks, a scoop of tabouleh, a scoop of hummus, and two pieces of roasted cauliflower for lunch.

Viva Las Vegas!

2010-08-09T12:22:00.001-05:00

And oh, we had a great time -- spent a chunk of time out at Hoover Dam and Lake Mead, walked around the Strip, walked around the Bellagio (that place is practically a small city -- walking around it is no small shakes), saw some great shows and generally relaxed and enjoyed ourselves.

And I'm pretty happy with the way I was eating over the weekend -- I did my best to stick with reasonably acceptable food (I originally wrote 'reasonably healthy', then realized that scrambled eggs, steak, and margaritas probably don't fall in that category). Yes, there was a bounce in weight, but I also started my period on Saturday morning, and I always swell up like a sponge during the Crimson Tide (plus, ahem, *output* has slowed to a crawl). It'll come off in two days.

I also learned something interesting yesterday. As 1) it was Cheat Day, 2) we were running around like maniacs trying to get to the Luxor to see the Titanic exhibit before getting on the plane, and 3) the both of us were starving, I indulged in a crispy chicken sandwich and fries from the Luxor McDonald's for breakfast, and half a burger and half an order of curly fries from an airport restaurant. I was only able to finish half an order because after three weeks of eating decent food, fast food is really sort of gross. Both the chicken sandwich and burger were tasteless and overly greasy, and even my beloved fries were...eh. To add insult to injury, my stomach got moderately upset after the McDonald's, and I felt bloated and gassy for the rest of the day. By the time we got home, I slugged down a protein shake with gratitude.

So, fast food -- ultimately, pretty yucky. The bag of peanut M&Ms I shared with Lyndon, however, were fabulous (well, it IS chocolate, you know).

WEIGHT: 311.2

FOOD FOR THE DAY: Breakfast was a SB meal bar, lunch was a Thai chicken wrap and a small Caesar salad. I think I may well thaw out some steak tonight and have that with a salad for dinner, and some clementines for dessert.

Phoo

2010-08-07T23:16:00.000-05:00

Today we went out to Hoover Dam. Didn't take the indoor tour because we were carrying stuff too big for the security requirements, so we just walked around outside taking pictures and video for about 45 minutes. In 107 F temps. Yeah. Mind you, we brought plenty of water, but we were still a bit wrung out by the time we got back to the hotel, so my food intake isn't quite what it should have been.

But what the hell -- it's Vegas, baby.

WEIGHT: 310.4

FOOD FOR THE DAY: part of that lime-chipotle stark salad from yesterday, three eggs, a 6 oz. steak, a couple of forkfuls of hashed browns, a piece of white toast, a medium chocolate shake from DQ (won't apologize for it -- I was dying for something sweet and cold after we got off of the dam), 2 squares of Bellagio chocolate, a grilled chicken breast with cherry tomatoes, lettuce, Cole slaw and a piece of bread. Oh, and a banana strawberry coconut smoothies with breakfast. And it was all yummo.

Waking up in Vegas

2010-08-07T02:00:00.000-05:00

Which will happen tomorrow. In the meantime, I have had a great time wandering around the strip, and I keep swilling water because it's 107 degrees F. And the two margaritas, but we won't talk about those right now.

WEIGHT: 308.8

FOOD FOR THE DAY: one bag of cranberry nut mix, one granola bar, one small chicken Caesar salad, a slice of beef, swordfish, pork, duck, turkey, two Cali roll pieces, seaweed salad and pickled Ginger for dinner, a piece of sugar-free cheesecake, and a few bites of lime-chipotle salad with grilled steak.

In the arms of Morpheus (no, not Laurence Fishburne)

2010-08-05T17:12:00.000-05:00

The Bodacious Brit came by my desk today, as he often does, and said, "After we get back from Vegas, how about we have someone come and clean the ductwork? Because I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been beaten."

I said it sounded like a plan to me, especially since the guy across the street runs a company that does this (I'm all about supporting my local folks) and God knows when, if ever, the ducts have been cleaned in this place. I do know that we get horrendous amounts of dust in the bedroom, to the point where I just can't sleep up there because I feel like I'm choking. (Yes, I vacuum. Yes, we have filters on the air intake systems -- the expensive HEPA ones, not the cheap-ass plastic foam and cardboard filters. Doesn't matter -- we still wind up with a shitload of dust.) We have a big, high-quality HEPA air filter next to the bed, and even that doesn't really help during times like this when the temps go up and the air quality goes all to hell.

So I did a little research -- the EPA says getting a professional duct cleaning job will run anywhere from $450 to $1000 for a 3-4 bedroom house, and should last 4-6 hours. Apparently there are a lot of cleaning scams out there, so I want to make sure that what's negotiated up-front will match what we're paying for. It's a bit pricey, but the end result should be much-improved sleeping conditions for the both of us, which is always a good thing.

This is why it's no biggie

2010-08-05T12:12:00.004-05:00

309.4 this morning. Booyah. And that's with a just-avoided migraine. Double booyah.

So I've now had my breakfast (PB sammich and 1 oz. of that lovely hatch chili con queso popcorn), and I'm packing up my clementines and heading into work. Seeya!

Begging for more

2010-08-04T14:22:00.004-05:00

I had a Moment(TM) last night at the gym. As I was on the bike, merrily pedaling away (I brought the flipcam so that I could record another videocast, but there were other people in the gym so I couldn't record anything, sorry!), I was also reading Bobke II, a collection of diary entries and columns by the cheerfully insane cyclist and TDF commentator Bob Roll. If you have any interest in cycling, or simply enjoy reading great (and more than slightly gonzo) sports commentary, I highly recommend this book.

Anyhoo, there I was, reading Bobke's wit and wisdom when I stumbled across a section that pretty much sang to me. He was on a practice ride, after a year of having really shitty form, and suddenly everything clicked and he was just powering along like a machine, at which point he said, "My legs were begging for more."

And I grinned, because that's how I felt last night. My legs were sneering at me and saying, "That's all you got? Really? Really?" I did a Level 3 ride with variable inclines for forty minutes, and if it hadn't been so late I could have easily ridden for an hour or longer. All of which means I'm finally at the point where I can start stepping up my game, switching around the programs and tackling tougher rides, which is just so damn cool.

Plus my legs? Calves are starting to look damn good, people.

WEIGHT: 311.2 (slight bounce in water weight due to the salty stuff I ate yesterday -- no biggie)

FOOD FOR THE DAY: SB meal bar for breakfast, 2 pieces of chicken, greek salad, tabouleh, hummus, cauliflower and some potato chunks for lunch, and 3 clementines for dessert. Yummo! Afternoon snack of three more clementines, then dinner was two PB sammiches and 2 oz. of hatch chili con queso popcorn.

By the way

2010-08-03T23:12:00.000-05:00

I know I may be boring people by posting all this food information -- feel free to skip those entries or sections. What I'm trying to do is accurately track everything that goes into my mouth, so that I can 1) take a look at it later on, 2) get an honest idea of what I've been eating, and 3) make a course correction if it looks like I'm eating too much garbage (why am I eating it, is it caused by stress, how can I rectify that situation, etc.).

So far, it seems to be working.

Slight change in plans

2010-08-03T23:07:00.000-05:00

As I was about to fall asleep on my keyboard, I went home early and took a badly needed nap, then woke up and got the boys their Organix Indoor Feline food, then realized I was ferociously hungry, despite eating two apples and another SB bar in the afternoon. So dinner was a peanut butter sandwich on sugar-free whole wheat bread and a 1 oz. serving of this amazingly yummy hatch chili con queso popcorn I found at Whole Paycheck.

Which means the food intake in total today was:

2 SB meal bars - 420 cal
3 apples - 216 cal
1 thai chicken wrap - 610 cal
1 small caesar salad - 363 cal
1 PB sandwich - 258 cal
1 oz serving of hatch chili con queso popcorn - 110 cal

2,047 calories. A little low (seriously -- I should be eating around 2,480 calories a day right now), but adequate. I may have some yogurt when I get back from the gym, who knows.

The Fiber, the Fiber...

2010-08-03T14:27:00.001-05:00

Since this weekend is Viva Las Vegas, I'm pulling four 10-hour days to make up for Friday (since I'm a contract stormtrooper and don't get paid if I'm not at the Death Star). And since Mellie gets hungry if she stays at work late, she had a couple of brain cells fire in the right order this morning and grabbed a bag of apples and a couple of South Beach meal bars. This way, I won't be tempted to hit the vending machines during the long stretch of this evening, plus I get at least some fiber from the fruit.

Unfortunately, I'm also extremely tired right now because it's God's Own Hairdryer in the clavicle of Texas, and that's playing merry hell with the air quality. Our buildings are air-conditioned, of course, but we also have a Level Orange Air Pollution alert right now, which means that there's various particulates in the air -- pollen, mold, fuel fumes, alien sperm, I don't know what -- that are making it seriously unpleasant to breathe. As in, I woke up last night choking and had to go downstairs and sleep on the couch, and that didn't even really help. And I wasn't the only one -- my boss said he woke up from a nightmare and pretty much went into a panic attack from feeling like he couldn't breathe, and Lyndon's eyes were bright red this morning (he brought a bottle of Visine to my cubicle and asked me to work my magic, since he can't put drops in his own eyes because they automatically slam shut at the approach of the dropper. Even I have to grab his lids and pry the damn things open to get the Visine in there).

So yeah, Mellie is a little tired today, and isn't particularly looking foward to going to the gym tonight. But a triathlon waits for no woman, so go I will (cycling and weights tonight, I think), and I'm going to bring the flipcam with me and do another video, as I may be having some new visitors to this page fairly soon.

WEIGHT: 310.8 (unsurprising, since yesterday was my rest day and I had lemon chicken and a crispy spring roll for dinner last night during FutureClassics, and then a piece of corn on the cob and a potato chip before I hit the hay).

FOOD FOR THE DAY: Since I was running out the door yet again for work, I had a South Beach meal bar for breakfast, an apple as a mid-day snack, and a thai chicken wrap and caesar salad for lunch. I'll probably have another apple or two this afternoon, and a protein shake and a couple of artichokes when I get home -- mmm.

TMI Post: Here Comes Another Special Delivery

2010-08-02T17:03:00.000-05:00

Okay, seriously, this is going to be TMI. Bail now while you can.

Still with me? Okay -- apparently I've been getting sufficient amounts of fiber in my diet, because oh sweet mother of Cthulhu, today has been the Day of Poop. As in, I've hit the can three times already to contribute to the land mass of Texas. And we're not talking rabbit pellets here, either -- we're talking healthy, cohesive, adult-sized deposits.

I don't know if it's the fiber, or the heat (105 F at 2:00 PM. I ask you), or the biking/swimming/weightlifting, or my metabolism decided to give my GI tract a jump start, or what, but DAMN. And the volcanic gurgling coming from my midsection suggests that the DoP is not over yet.

*blink*blink*

Um, no, it's not. Gotta go -- literally.

Hitting the gym, PM Style

2010-08-02T11:29:00.002-05:00

Over on my Facebook page, I sometimes post "It's gym time!" as I head off to Snap Fitness 24-7, usually around 10:00 PM. Last night, two people said, "You shouldn't work out this late at night -- you'll be up all night!"

Um, that may be true for other people, but for me it's not. After I've done forty minutes on the bike, plus whatever else I had that night (weights or swimming), the only thing I want to do when I get home is take a shower and do a faceplant. I know some people are energized by going to the gym -- yeah, not me. I do it because it's good for me, and it helps me go to sleep.

And to be honest, sometimes I can't get to the gym until 10:00 PM or later. Frex, yesterday was spent editing MMM, doing laundry, watering the lawn, enjoying my cheat meal at On The Border, editing the podcast, and running to the store for a stockup. By the time all that was finished, it was 11:00 PM. I'm supposed to skip a workout just because it's night time? I don't think so.

Yeah, I suppose I could have moved the workout back, but why? I like working out at night. The gym is less busy, if not totally deserted, and I can hit all the machines I need without waiting for someone else to finish. It's a safe facility so I don't feel uncomfortable being there by myself. And it's kind of peaceful to pedal away and drip sweat, kind of like a physically active meditation.

Oh, and there have been suggestions that I just work out in the morning. Uh...huh. People, have you SEEN me first thing in the morning? I'm running on the lizard brain until 9:00 AM at least -- if I hit the gym early and someone annoyed me, I'd probably wind up latching onto a limb and gnawing it off in my ire. And orange jumpsuits just clash with my hair so badly, you know?

WEIGHT: 310.8

FOOD FOR THE DAY: Breakfast was a bowl of lower-sugar oatmeal, and I just had a large cup of cut watermelon chunks as a midmorning snack. I may do a Thai wrap and a cup of cottage cheese for lunch, since dinner will be at FutureClassics and that means Chinese food.

It's Cheat Day

2010-08-01T11:59:00.001-05:00

And, lo, I did cheat with steak fajitas at On The Border (a handful of chips and salsa, steak and onions, sour cream, guacamole, and refried beans with melted cheese) and a luscious green tea creme drink from Legacy Books' cafe, because those things are damned good. Also had the last of the zucchini and a cob of corn for breakfast (tried to have one of the chicken breasts, but it didn't seem done enough to me and the cats were weaving around my legs giving me their piteous, "But we're HUNGRY" expressions, so I chopped it up and gave it to them).

Oh, and as of this morning I'm 311.0 exactly. *grins*

Musing over dinner

2010-07-31T19:01:00.001-05:00

Since breakfast was a roast beef sandwich with baked chips at Potbelly's (I was watching Theresa and Tony perform) and lunch was a peanut butter sandwich and a bowl of lower sugar oatmeal (yeah, yeah, I know about steelcut oats -- they taste like snot), I'm not hungry at the moment so this is a good time to hit the store and pick up the fixings for dinner. So -- something tasty, something healthy, but something that's not going to heat up the kitchen too badly (because it's freaking hot out there). Chicken breasts and veggies? I may well hit Whole Paycheck and pick up something I can toss on the grill.

Oh, and as of this morning -- 311.2. Whatever. Tonight is also a straight cardio night, so I may bike for 30 and then swim.

LATER: dinner was a grilled chicken breast, grilled zucchini with onions and garlic, two cobs of fresh grilled corn, and a Weight Watchers English Toffee Crunch bar. Mmm...

Drumroll, please

2010-07-30T12:33:00.007-05:00

312.4 as of this morning. The HELL? I'm not complaining, mind you, but...the HELL? Especially since I had a PB&J sandwich for dinner, then was too damn tired to hit the gym so I just went straight to bed (and proceeded to stare at the ceiling for 5 hours because my subconscious hates me).

I don't understand my metabolism anymore, I really don't.

Breakfast was a peanut butter sandwich -- lunch was stir-fried chicken, shrimp and vegetables plus chicken fried rice at Benihana since I missed my traditional birthday lunch with Steve & Co. (plus I got a scoop of green tea ice cream as a birthday dessert).

Tea was a bag of low-butter popcorn (275 calories) because I'm stuck in the office until 8, and I'll probably have a protein shake for dinner when I get home (note to self -- remember to stop at Walmart and get more low-fat chocolate soy milk). As for the sweaty stuff, tonight will be a weightlifting night, plus 30 minutes on the bike. And dear Jesus, I'm doing a face plant the moment I get out of the shower.

Uh-huh

2010-07-29T13:10:00.000-05:00

Well, turned out to be the exact same weight as yesterday, so hell if I know what's happening.

Breakfast was a muffin (once again, late out the door and had to grab what I could). Lunch was roasted chicken breast, Greek salad, tsatsiki, tabouleh, some chunks of roasted potato, and a piece of pan-fried cauliflower that surprised me. The taste was really quite acceptable, kind of bland and slightly sweet. The problem is the mouth-feel -- I wasn't tempted to gag as I usually do with boiled cauliflower, but I still don't like that overly juicy cellular feel of the vegetable. That being said, I could see pureeing it and using it in a sauce or dip.

26 laps

2010-07-28T23:56:00.004-05:00

After today's food fest I thought I'd go to the gym and work some of it off on the bike, then realized 1) I've already been on the bike twice this week and 2) I really needed a shower. With that in mind, I decided to do laps in the pool instead. Which turned out to be great, as the moon was perfectly placed to throw a carpet of silver across the water and made swimming eminently cool (yeah, I have pool lights -- they attract mosquitos and June bugs in the summer. Moving on--).

I'm very pleased to discover that I can now swim for 10 minutes straight, which takes up 26 laps (or 650 feet in my pool). Granted, I was panting and exhausted at the end of it, but by God I did it. So I can swim for 10 minutes, and bike for 40. Now I have to get to the point where I can do it concurrently. After that, I have to practice running for 10 minutes non-stop, then add THAT in at the end.

Fuck the scale. I felt great when I got out of the gym last night, and I feel damn good right now. The weight will come off when it comes off -- in the meantime, I'm getting stronger and more fit. (Still have to work on the food, though.)

So, food today

2010-07-28T21:04:00.000-05:00

Breakfast -- a liver sausage sandwich on sugar-free whole wheat bread because I was hideously late and didn't have time for oatmeal.

Lunch -- a bowl of zuppa toscana, two breadsticks and three small slices of sausage pizza at Olive Garden.

Dinner -- Caesar salad, two slices of Shiner beer bread, 10 ounce steak and some fried onions.

And watch -- now that I've gorged, I'll be 313 tomorrow, because my body likes to play mindfuck games with me. Oh, and I know all this isn't very healthy -- I also don't normally eat like this.

Yeah, so much for my goal

2010-07-28T11:00:00.004-05:00

*sigh*

314. Fourteen pounds over where I was supposed to be by today. Just fucking shoot me already.

I know I've been eating badly. Yesterday was a bowl of low-sugar oatmeal (breakfast), a Thai chicken wrap, Doritos and a cookie for lunch, a protein shake for dinner, and two tortillas, a chicken curry pocket thingy and a Weight Watchers ice cream bar because I'm under a LOT OF FUCKING STRESS THAT I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IN PUBLIC. FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK!

Mind you, I'm still exercising -- after last night's little pigout I went to the gym, lifted weights and rode the bike for 40 minutes. Didn't do shit, probably because of all that sugar. Just...fuck.

I've got to come up with a decent stress-reducing technique. Yoga doesn't seem to do anything. And I can no longer eat. Great. What I need is a pile of wood and an axe, or the modern equivalent.

Still alive

2010-07-26T00:38:00.000-05:00

Arteries are all still intact. 15 minutes on the regular bike, 25 on the reclining bike. Woohoo, whatever.

Putting a pint of Blue Bell to my head, and pulling the trigger

2010-07-25T20:40:00.002-05:00

No, I'm not going to do that, but dear God the thought has a certain appeal. I have a massive sinus headache from the variable weather out there that meds aren't touching, various loved ones are going through incredibly stressful times and I'm worried about them, I haven't lost a damn pound since Thursday (in fact, I gained 2 -- whee!) and I feel like this is my body's way of giving me the finger for even trying to do something as insane as train for a triathlon, all of which makes I feel like I'm spinning my wheels big time and not making any forward momentum.

Which just goes to show that endorphins don't cure all of life's evils, no matter how much you wish they did. I'm just going to go to the gym and get on the damn bike anyway -- maybe it'll jack my blood pressure up enough that I'll blow out an artery. At least then I won't have to deal with this stupid headache anymore.

Video Post 02

2010-07-23T10:24:00.001-05:00

Bounce

2010-07-22T11:49:00.004-05:00

In this case, up, to 310. Not unusual -- my sleep cycle has been for shit since Monday, and when I can't sleep my cortisol levels go absolutely gonzo and I swell up like the Michelin Man. Last night was the first one where I got something akin to 7 hours of sleep (interrupted once when I had to go to the bathroom -- the Black & White Idiot heard me and decided to headbutt the bedroom door for a good five minutes until he realized I wasn't letting him in) -- another night like that and my metabolism should settle down.

Nonetheless, it's annoying because it means that, barring a sudden GI virus, I won't meet my goal weight for my birthday. I really, really, REALLY wanted to be under 300 -- and yeah, I know that was kind of wishful thinking, but still. I may have to settle for being under 305, which is still damn good. I think the lowest I've been since we started using the electronic scale was 307.

Never mind. I just have to keep swimming and cycling, throwing the iron around, and eating reasonably. Things will resolve themselves in their own time, right?

A "Hee!" moment

2010-07-21T10:05:00.003-05:00

Many moons ago, when the world was young and Ann Coulter still roamed the plains, I learned how to juggle. It happened when I was in the chorus of "Barnum" -- the director wanted a female juggler to stand behind Charity Barnum during her big death scene and slowly juggle while she sang "The Colors of My Life". 22 measures of music, mind you. Anyway, being the attention whore that I am, I learned how to juggle for that, and have been doing it ever since.

So I have a set of juggling balls on my desk, and my boss just walked by, picked them up and tried to juggle with them. He managed one juggle (that's actually the formal term for one successful pass), then handed them back to me. I started juggling, much to the surprise of my coworkers, then dropped a ball. Without even thinking about it, I dropped into a crouch and picked it up. Dropped another ball, dropped into another crouch and got that one. It wasn't until I stood up that I realized, "Oh, wait -- I just did a butt-to-heels crouch without gasping, falling over or straining to get up."

Hee!

98.44

2010-07-21T01:04:00.002-05:00

That's how many laps I have to do in my pool to reach 750 meters, which is the baby length of the swim section of a triathlon. Tonight, I did ten laps. Ten standard laps, mind you -- crawl style instead of my usual backstroke.

I'm still panting. Yeah, it's gonna take me six months to get up there.

Oy, lunch

2010-07-20T11:56:00.004-05:00

So we have this little cafeteria at work where you can get sandwiches, wraps, burgers, and salads. The salads are kept in these little tubs -- you tell the counter person what you want, and they scoop some into a styrofoam cup (large or small, depending on your choice).

And the salads look good, I admit that. Luscious chunks of red tomato, gleaming green broccoli, purple and white onion, leafy green stuff, all of it glistening under a light coating of dressing. And then you get a cup of it, and you take it upstairs and try a forkful...and it tastes like plastic. And I don't mean, "Hmm, there's an aftertaste here" -- I'm talking, "Was this produced in China for display use only?"

Which makes obtaining lunch a bit of a challenge. I mean, sure, I could bring stuff in from home, but that would require planning and forethought and...and...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *wipes a tear away* I kill myself sometimes, I really do. The second option is to go out and forage for a decent lunch somewhere else, but since I loathe fighting crowds and usually try to eat before or after the noon rush hour, I lose my decent parking space in the lot. I may even have to park in *gasp* the satellite lot across the street. Horrors.

(Which is a problem how, my inner trainer asks, especially since it means you have to walk for a couple of extra minutes? Hey, I never said I was sensible, okay? And frankly, when I'm fresh out of the Death Star the last thing I want to do is slog an additional two minutes through God's Own Hair Dryer.)

Or I suck it up and eat the plastic. *sigh* Nobody ever said eating healthily was going to be easy.

Video Post 01

2010-07-20T11:14:00.003-05:00

What was I thinking?

2010-07-20T00:47:00.003-05:00

I made a very silly post on my Facebook a couple of nights ago. Someone had told me, "You rock" when I detailed how far I'd gone on the reclining bike that evening, and I blithely replied, "The goal is to be able to swim 750 meters, bike 20 kilometers, and run 5 kilometers. Why yes, I do like triathlons. :-)"

What. The. FUCK?

Where did THAT come from? I mean, yes, I actually do enjoy triathlons -- on TV. And while the idea of competing in an endurance race is interesting (if there's one thing I do damn well, it's endure), let's be perfectly honest here -- I'm a 308 lb. 44-year-old woman with flat feet and one dodgy knee. At this point in my life, I would probably throw up and then pass out within fifteen minutes of getting in the water, much less getting on a bike and running in consecutive order.

Oh, and yes, I'm putting it out there. As of this morning, I weighed 308 pounds. Granted, that's down from my all-time high of 324, and the goal is to drop below 300 before my birthday, but I digress. Where the hell did a big ol' gal like me get off saying that I wanted to compete in a triathlon? Is my subconscious trying to tell me something? Is it trying to kill me?

Of course, then the idea wouldn't leave me alone, goddamn it. Idly, because I didn't want my subconscious to think that I was serious or anything, I did a bit of Googling on triathlons in the area. Turns out that a local Life Time Fitness in Plano sponsors an indoor triathlon in February. Which would be seven months away, and the distances, well:

10-minute swim in lap pool
10-minute transition (swim to bike)
30-minute bike in cycle fitness studio
5-minute transition (bike to run)
20-minute treadmill run

Hell, I'm already doing 40 minutes on a bike (13.53 kilometers), and I've got a pool -- I can just start using a crawl instead of a backstroke to swim. The biggest, sweatiest bitch would be the running -- I have a treadmill, but I already know that would hurt like a motherfucker. And then I'd have to put it all together.

I...think I want to try this. I'd have to figure out HOW to train for it, but still, I think I want to try this, despite the whole 308 lb 44-year-old dodgy knee and flat feet thing (of course, if I DID actually train for a triathlon I suspect the 308 lbs would be a self-correcting issue). And upon doing some further Googling it seems that big broads all over the place are training for this sort of thing, so I wouldn't be totally alone.

Um. What do you think?

No bikee -- swimee!

2010-07-19T00:49:00.002-05:00

No, I'm not dead. But there didn't seem to be any point to posting, "Got up, went into work, came home, did shit around the house, went to bed" over and over again. Yeah, it's been something of a fallow few months, but I'm back on the horse now.

Or, more accurately, bike. Yeah, I'm biking these days, kind of in honor of the Tour de France but also because it uses up more energy than just walking (and God knows me running at the moment probably wouldn't be the greatest of ideas). At the moment I'm up to 40 minutes on the bike (gym bike, not out on the roads), with an average of 8.2 miles per ride. If I can keep this up (please God), I want to take my Swedish bike into one of the local shops, get it overhauled, and see about taking it out on some of the bike paths around here once the weather gets back down into reasonable temps (aka not God's Own Hairdryer).

That being said, I decided I wasn't up to biking tonight -- so I swam 25 laps instead. Phoo, there's nothing quite like diving into a blood-warm pool.

Oh, dear God, just shoot me

2010-03-29T18:20:00.003-05:00

Dropped another pound as of yesterday, then busted my ass cleaning the living room, rearranging furniture, then cleaning the library and dining room. "Cleaning" sounds so simple -- it doesn't encompass putting away the sheer amount of shit that gets strewn around this place, dusting every flat surface (including two ceiling fans), running to the store twice to get picture frames and cushions for the futon so that I could put on the buff cover and make it coordinate with the couch and ottoman, trying to get the treadmill through the hallway into the library (which no longer works now that we have a DVD rack there), vacuuming and then mopping the library/entranceway/dining room floor with Murphy's Oil soap, running all of the upstairs bedding through the machines, and then collapsing in an aching pile before dragging myself off to bed.

Didn't weigh myself this morning, but I don't really care -- I'm too damn tired.

Still cranky, but...

2010-03-27T10:47:00.006-05:00

Down another two pounds. Granted, I can see the bones in my feet again and can't press half-inch divots along my shinbone anymore so the bulk of that is water, but hey, getting rid of that much water is a GOOD thing.

Breakfast: a cup of low carb yogurt. Got to think about lunch. Shit I will be doing today because my sister and her kids are arriving on Wednesday and this place looks like Metallica has been camping out here:

Clean out the downstairs bathroom (vacuum and scrub floor, clean sink and mirror, scrub shower enclosure, empty and scrub out litter tray (with a different scrubber))
Clean kitchen (bag and bin the 15 million pounds of recyclables we have, sort out all the crap on the countertops and put it all away or throw it out, put clean dishes away, put dirty dishes in dishwasher, scrub down countertops, dust chair rail and window frames, tell Lyndon to shift his damn leather sewing machine somewhere else an clean up puddle of spilled oil underneath it, vacuum and mop/scrub floor)
Clean living room (sort and put away various craft projects, put away DVD boxes, move cat tree to better location, dust everything, wash sofa and futon covers, vacuum La-Z-Boy, vacuum carpet, spot-clean places where cats have hurled on the rug)

If I have time and energy after that, I may work on the side flowerbed and get that weeded. If not, I will put together the tax paperwork for delivery to the accountants on Monday.

Post-Cold, Pre-Vacation

2010-03-26T12:07:00.005-05:00

As I have gained five pounds of water weight for reasons that mystify me (I know it's water weight because I can press divots along my shinbones from my ankles to mid-leg. Oh, and it mysteriously appeared in one day, which is physiologically impossible with anything but water), plus I'm finally getting over the cold that sandbagged me last weekend, plus many other people including my best friend are losing weight all around me, I'm officially fed up. Fed up with feeling fat and unattractive, fed up with not fitting into clothes I like, fed up with not being able to sleep comfortably, fed up with having to bring an air mattress on trips so that I can get any sleep at all, fed up with the heart hiccups and wondering if I'm flirting with a failing valve (yes, I've been to the doctor. The EKG says everything's fine, but I have to wonder) -- I'm just fucking fed up.

And so, this is day two of modified Atkins for me (modified because eating strict Atkins for lunch is impossible unless I prepare and bring my meals, and with my insane schedule these days I can't count on having time to do that). Breakfast yesterday was bacon and eggs, lunch was a chicken caesar wrap and small cup of cottage cheese, dinner was a steak, emerald kale and a strawberry smoothie made of strawberries, soy milk, cottage cheese and Splenda, plus I walked for 15 minutes last night on the treadmill. Breakfast today was a cup of low-carb yogurt with one square of exotic chocolate because I needed something to keep me from killing people on the way into work, lunch was a chicken caesar wrap and small cup of cottage cheese, and I'm thinking of a chicken stir-fry for dinner tonight as well as an upper body weight workout at the gym. I need to add more food to the schedule, but I haven't really been all that hungry as I can't TASTE anything at the moment due to the lingering effects of the cold. Oh, and my mood is in the crapper as it always is for the first week when I do this, but hey, I'm down two pounds already.

Why Atkins? Because for me it works. It doesn't for other people, and I've read the research that says low-carb and low-fat diets cause pretty much the same amount of weight loss, but carb restriction seems to work best for my already fucked up metabolism (PCOS and a low-functioning thyroid). Okay, my mood is incredibly foul (dear Lord, I had some ANGRY dreams last night, including one where Lyndon and I had to move in with my father -- he was making some really nasty cracks about Lyndon, and I just wanted to brain him), but that's a side effect of me adjusting to a lower carb intake. Once that happens, I should be golden.

In the meantime, I will probably be venting here, so you have been warned. Speaking of venting, I have so frigging much to do and so little time in which to do it. I have to clean the house this weekend before Stacy and the kids get here next Wednesday, plus get the tax paperwork done before Monday for the accountant, I still have to weed out that side flower bed, I've have not one but TWO arborists flake on me and I still need to get the frigging crepe myrtles topped, the lawn service hasn't shown up yet this year and I think I need to find someone new, and oh yeah, I'm supposed to be finishing a book right about now. Ha. Ha ha ha.

*puts head on desk and cries just a little bit*

The pool is open!

2010-03-10T00:12:00.003-06:00

Oh, yeaaaaaaaaahhhhh. I just took the first swim of the year, and the water was goooooooorgeous. Did twenty laps, which was enough to warm up everything nicely without completely wearing me out, and the Black and White Cat sat in the window watching me splash back and forth. The only downer was that I'd forgotten to take my watch off, but it's a Timex Indiglo, and I think those are water-resistant.

Now I just have to fix the chained power outlet so that I can turn on the pool lights, and life is a good and happy place once more!

No, I'm not dead

2010-01-04T00:02:00.004-06:00

And yes, I know I haven't been posting anything recently, mainly because there hasn't been much change in weight -- I'm still at the 15 pound loss, which is great, but I was hoping for a bit more over two months. Then again, I also wrote 3/4 of a book in November, and December was taken up with trips, getting ready for the holidays, and then spending two weeks slammed with a king god hell killer cold (this is what happens when you spend 3.5 hours in a tubular aluminum germ culture dish. Personally, I blame Stacy and Jeffrey, but I digress).

And now it is January, 2010, and I will be getting back on the diet and exercise horse with a vengeance. I won't make this a resolution because it's far too easy to break those, plus this has got to be more of a life change than just something to do for a couple of months. Tomorrow night I'm back at the gym, and I have to figure out some kind of aerobic activity that doesn't kill my bursitis. As for the diet, got to do some work on that, but bringing little minipacks of cottage cheese to work so that I can have something in the afternoon that stops me from being hungry after work and stopping off at McDonald's or Wendy's is a good thing.

Anyway, onward!

Okay, ow...

2009-11-08T12:38:00.002-06:00

Apparently I can now straight-leg deadlift your average small actress, as I was working with two 50b dumbbells last night. Of course, my lower back, butt and thigh muscles are screaming at me this morning, but it's still progress. Once I get up to 60 lb dumbbells, I can straight-leg deadlift your average AVERAGE actress.

Also dropped another pound, so make that a total of 15 pounds lost since all this started. Granted, it's a little slower than I would have liked, but it's still downward movement, which is good. I find that getting off my ass and doing things like cleaning this pit really does make a difference, tra la.

This is just weird

2009-11-04T03:50:00.005-06:00

Apparently those commercials warning about the bloating effects of the stress hormone cortisol were actually telling the truth. Last week, I was pretty much tied in knots as I tried to finish a room box before I had to head back to LA (the full story is here). Worked out, ate within my calorie limit, did all the things I was supposed to do.

Did I drop any weight? Hell no. Did I look like I was 9 months pregnant? Hell yes. So I come home from a spectacular weekend and relax, eat whatever I want from Sunday night to this moment, and somehow three pounds disappear and I can see my toes again. Damn you, cortisol!

And it continues

2009-09-30T00:45:00.003-05:00

Dropped another two pounds since my last post (yay!), but it should have been more by now (boo). However, I've also been slacking off on the nutrition, which explains much -- exercise is great, but you really need to eat good, healthy stuff as well if you want to make headway, and this has been one hella stressful month (the Crimson Tide didn't even make an appearance, and it's been showing up like clockwork for quite a while now). Things have finally calmed down some, so hopefully I can get back to seven hours of sleep a night and eating lots of protein, fruits and veggies.

In other news, had the toofers cleaned today -- apparently I haven't been slacking off that much on the flossing (the dentist told me to step it up, but didn't give me the Lecture(TM) I got at my last cleaning), and I'm going back in a couple of weeks to get fitted for Opalescence whitening trays. It's the first step in Project Let's Improve Mellie's Smile -- next is having the remaining three wisdom teeth yanked sometime in November, then in January I'm going in and getting Invisaligns, and if I have to finance the fuckers I will -- I'm tired of waiting to get my teeth straightened. Once everything is straight and white, I get Lumineers for the chipped front two upper teeth, and I will have my perfect smile, huzzah!

Tired

2009-09-09T09:50:00.002-05:00

Tired tired tired. I'm glad today's my rest day, because I really need a nap (had one hell of a time getting to bed last night -- stupid brain) and I think the bod needs a bit of a chance to kick back and do some necessary repairs. I did hit the gym last night, but I just wanted to pass out afterwards and couldn't because I had to go to Whole Foods and get food for the Boyz (because, you know, they're poor starving kittens and will just DIE if their food bowl goes empty for more than an hour).

The weight bounced up two pounds this morning, but that's not surprising -- I ate like a wild thing yesterday, plus I consumed a hella amount of sugar (trapped at my desk making changes to an executive training deck). Judging from the squishiness on my legs, the weight is just water, no biggie. And yet I was happy with how I looked this morning -- go figure.

Make that 14 pounds

2009-09-05T13:17:00.003-05:00

I was going to post and say that I've lost 12 pounds as of the beginning of July, but then I got on the scale this morning. Granted, I also slept late so that had something to do with it, but STILL.

14 pounds. Not a lot, compared to everything I still have to lose, but it's more than just a drop in the bucket. And the changes over the last two months have been significant:

I can now do a butt-to-the-heels squat. Not with any weight, mind you, but I've got plenty of built-in weight as it is so I'm not worried about that.
I went shopping at Fashion Bug last week to get some clothes for the LA trip. They have a proprietary size system for their jeans, so I automatically grabbed the largest size and tried them on. I swam in them. Went down a size, tried those on -- still too big. Went down ANOTHER size, and finally found the ones that fit just right. Weelah!
Muscle definition. I'm developing a rather nice set of traps, my deltoids are shyly making an appearance, and my forearms and calves are turning into things of muscled beauty. I have nice amounts of muscle growing in my thighs and upper arms, too -- they're just not as easy to see because of the padding. But if I make a muscle, man, you can feel it. As for the trunk, there's just so much padding there that it's hard to tell, but I THINK I'm making inroads -- I can do 60 ab crunches, and back hyperextensions are getting easier and easier.
Last night, I hit Legacy Books for some more research material, and jogged up the stairs to the Mezzanine. I've been going up stairs MUCH more easily these days (going down still hurts because of my Achilles bursitis, but I figure that will improve eventually).
I looked at the videocast I made from my first trip to LA, and then at the second one, and my face is noticeably slimmer in the second vcast. Hu-fucking-zzah!

So, this whole thing is actually working out rather well. I'm losing the weight slowly, which is frustrating but healthy, I'm not hungry, I'm getting stronger every day, and I need smaller clothes. This, my friends, is what would be called "all good."

This plateau...is cracked

2009-08-23T15:47:00.003-05:00

It helps if you imagine me saying that in a Zelda Rabinowitz-like voice. Anyway, got on the scale this morning and I dipped a whole .8 of a pound below the lowest I've been since I started working out, so I take it to mean that I've leveled off to some degree on the muscle mass gain. I'll get more, of course, but I think I've pretty much stopped evenly trading off fat pounds for muscle pounds, which is good because it means I have a significant amount of energy-hungry muscle tissue now.

I'm boring you, aren't I? Never mind -- it's all good. And it probably helped that I spent most of yesterday disimpacting my office and reorganizing my closet, because I was on my feet and sweating for a good 6 hours or so, plus I now have a lovely office in which to work.

Next up -- the upstairs bathroom, and I think I'm gonna vacuum the stairs and wash the bedding. And write. And practice my viola. And work on some graphics for the day job. And work out with Stretch at 9 tonight. *blink*blink* This IS the weekend, right?

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

2009-08-22T14:21:00.004-05:00

Okay, first off, downward motion HAS resumed, so that's a lovely thing to see.

Secondly, I stopped off at one of my favorite restaurants today to grab a quick lunch. I haven't been there in awhile due to Life Stuff(TM), so the hostess chatted with me for a bit while we headed to my usual table, then she looked at me closely and said, "You look good -- have you lost weight?"

Ohyeah. She is the first person to say that to me since June. The Bodacious Brit, bless his heart, simply doesn't notice things like that (which I suppose I should be grateful for), and while I can see the difference in the mirror, it's still nice to get outside confirmation that there have indeed been topographical changes and I'm not just imagining things.

Onward and downward!

Well, I WAS going to say that downward movement has resumed

2009-08-21T00:20:00.003-05:00

But then I had dinner. And I suspect I blew anything I achieved today due to that.

It was damn good flatiron fish sticks and chicken caesar salad from Whole Foods, though. And I still hauled my ass out to the gym and lifted a myriad of weights, so that's all good. And as soon as the dye sets and I can wash my hair, I can actually go to bed at a reasonable hour -- go me!

The Master Bath

2009-08-16T18:07:00.002-05:00

Hot. Dripping with sweat. Putting stuff on and away. Listening to the B-52's FUNPLEX while I clean up the minor flood we had this morning (somehow one of the sinks that was draining slowly had filled up and gently slopped onto the floor -- got it drained, then poured most of a bottle of Drano Professional Gel down there for good measure. We shall not speak of this again).

My goal -- to take a bath in the Roman tub tonight. But first, I must clean off the paint spatters and general schmutz from the remod. And I have to go lift weights with Stretch at 9. Nonetheless, it shall be done, because I'm actually in shape to DO it.

Oh, yeah

2009-08-16T11:55:00.004-05:00

I'm definitely putting on muscle mass. I got back from Austin and Armadillocon yesterday (hi Walt!), and went for a swim; not only am I significantly less buoyant than I was, but it's a lot easier for me to swim underwater (aka I'm not fighting my own body's flotation).

I also took a good look at pictures we were snapping at the Salt Lick yesterday. I'm still a broad broad, but that horrible soft bloaty look is gone -- I may have big arms, but they look like they could clout you a good one if you pissed me off. And my boobs look fantastic. :-) So, lack of movement on the scales isn't necessarily a bad thing.

And considering that I woke up this morning to find that one of the sinks in the master bathroom had mysteriously filled up and created a small flood, I will be cleaning and repairing things in there today, which should gain some workout points. Yay for me!

Reality Check

2009-08-14T15:15:00.006-05:00

The downward trend on the scale has stopped dead in its tracks for the last couple of days, in part because I'm essentially allergic to being a girl and my body decides to retain water like a camel in the Sahara at both ends of my menstrual cycle, huzzah. In part, however, it's because I'm putting on muscle at the same time I'm losing fat, and muscle weighs more than fat. Intellectually I understand this, and that lack of movement on the scale isn't necessarily bad. Emotionally, though, I'm jumping up and down while calling the scale a lying motherfucker because I really want those numbers to continue dropping, dammit.

Humph. At least I can SEE that I'm putting on muscle. My clothes are fitting better, my calves are turning into lovely, well-defined things once again, my quads are getting stronger every day (seriously, you cannot imagine how happy I was when I got my butt to my heels for the first time a couple of days ago -- I couldn't have done that if you put a gun to my head two months ago), and I've moved up five pounds on a variety of exercises. I still don't see a lot of definition in my upper body, but let's be honest, I'm also carrying a hella amount of padding there. I do see the faintest of changes in my upper arms, shoulders and back, though, which is something, and my face doesn't look as bloated as it did back in June. The tummy -- yeah, well, that's usually the last to go, so I'll just live with it for now.

And I have to admit something -- my butt looks downright weird. I still have junk in the trunk, but I also have muscle back there now and it's pushing everything out and up. I'm guessing that's a self-correcting problem as I continue to work out, but I really do feel like I have a living bustle attached back there.

Thank you, Goddess of Sq’waht!

2009-08-10T22:36:00.003-05:00

As of today, people, I did a full, honest-to-Cthulhu butt to the heels squat. Granted, I wasn't carrying any weight, and I did have to keep a couple of fingers on the kitchen countertop for balance, but compared to my sad and pathetic inability to go even to a 90 degree angle as of early July without feeling flares of agony in both knees, this is frigging marvelous.

And this, of course, is what comes of lifting 200 lb on the leg press for the last three weeks, plus adding more weight to the leg extensions and calf curls. Which I will continue to do, plus I can now add the squat into my leg routine (I may try a split squat or lunge next time, as well). Mellie is a happy iron-lifting camper, people, she truly is, because the squat is the queen of exercises -- you have to work so many muscles in order to keep proper form, you can't help but tone everything from your legs to your traps.

Huzzah!

In Montreal

2009-08-08T21:49:00.003-05:00

For Worldcon, and my dogs are barking after only one day. Nonetheless, I did a fair amount of walking back and forth to the Palais de Congress for the actual con, got footage of me reading "Lusts of the Cat Queen: A Dash Manning Adventure," actually had people come up and ask for my signature at the signing, got back to the hotel and took a very necessary nap (did NOT sleep very well last night due to paltry pillows -- got extras for tonight), then got up, lifted weights in the frankly pathetic hotel weight room, and walked over to the Old Port for dinner with friends. Said walk included two moderate hill climbs -- yes, I puffed like Thomas the Tank Engine, but only because I was keeping up with the three rapid walkers in my party.

All in all, I'd say I put in maybe an hour's worth of walking today, plus the weights, so while I don't think I stayed within my caloric limit I didn't go TOO badly over, and at least I moved my ass in appropriate ways. And now, shower and bed before I have to get up at Oh Dark Thirty for the flight tomorrow. Whee.

sigh

2009-08-05T00:19:00.002-05:00

Got in the pool. Did 30 laps. The leg feels a little bit better. Still, why do I have to be such a klutz?

Goddammit!

2009-08-04T22:31:00.005-05:00

Ouch. Was doing a set of inverse fly reps (where you bend over and lift dumbbells through the transverse plane -- it works your posterior deltoid, and I'm trying to hit each deltoid head on my Pull nights) and somehow tripped over the chair that I was kneeling on. I wound up throwing a weight across the room as I wobbled for balance, and whacked the inside of my leg right below my knee a good one. Stretch asked if I was all right, and I told her that it took YEARS of practice to achieve that level of grace. Hmmph.

Oh, and the area below the knee is now swollen and the bruising is already coming up, and I did something interesting to the side of my opposite foot so now I'm hobbling around like a Serbian grandmother. Fabulous.

On the up side, I can see the veins along the outside of my arm, now. They don't stick out or anything, but they're clearly visible beneath the skin. And I could be wrong but I thought I saw a brief flash of jawline tonight, as if it were waving at me saying, "I'm here! I know it's hard to see me, but I'm here!" I'm tempted to go jump in the pool for a bit -- that can help with bruising -- but I also have a shitload of writing that I'd really like to get done tonight, plus my bitch harpy of a Muse just dropped ANOTHER novel idea on my head, and I have to jot it down. You know you want my life.

Dripping mit der goo

2009-08-02T18:00:00.000-05:00

BUT -- the grass seed has been spread on the front lawn, the bushes are all trimmed, the crepe myrtle had the boughs that were threatening to block the front door cut back, everything's been watered, and the front gate is now in good repair once more.

Well, it's under triple digits, and we're heading into August -- I need to take the opportunity to do yard work before it turns into the surface of the sun out there. Besides, the exercise is good for me, and I still have to hit the gym at 7 tonight and do a leg workout with Stretch. Yay!

Yeah, I'm gonna be feeling that tomorrow

2009-07-31T01:48:00.003-05:00

I was on the leg press machine tonight (yeah, yeah, I know, squats are better, but I can't DO squats until I build up my quads and I can do that on the leg press), and just for the hell of it I decided to see if I could press 200 lb.

As it turns out, I could, for a a full 1 x 10 set. Of course, I was staggering after I got off the bloody thing, but it's nice to know that I can move that much weight. And in other delightful news, the Crimson Tide has actually made an on-time appearance for once, complete with surprisingly painful cramps! It's my Special Girl Time -- yay!